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My coworker is hogging information

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I work in a mid size company and within my department, I have a coworker who has the same responsibilities in Germany. Since we work closely together, we have to manage information sharing to ensure that both services are transmitted with equal efficiency and standards. However, whenever we have to deal with our boss to get an approval, he gently excludes me from the discussion phase to ensure that our boss is takes note of his being on ‘top’ of things. Several times, I have spoken to him and explained to him that it would be good if I were informed of processes so that we can manage our jobs on each of our respective countries but he has not done so.

Today, I have received an email from our boss giving us the final instructions on a decision and at the bottom of that email, my boss included the email that my coworker has conveniently excluded me from. When I approached him, telling him that I would have appreciated that he could have put me on copy of that email for my information, he replies “Now you know!” This got me all bothered. Am I being overly pushy about being informed of this? And how can I manage him?

I work well at work, but without information, sometimes I feel left behind and not being able to react quick enough when dealing with issues where this information would have helped. I have not tried doing back to him the same way as I believe that work is work. PLEASE HELP!

Conveniently forgotten…

erika andersen

Dear Conveniently Forgotten…

Very frustrating! Being left out of the loop on important information can feel like an insult or a power play – and it definitely makes it harder to do your job.

Let’s start with the “why” – that is, why he’s leaving you out of communication. Short answer: you don’t know and neither do I (this sounds flip, but it’s important – it’s way too easy to assume negative intent on too little information; unnecessary feuds and stand-offs can easily ensue).

Longer answer: there are a number of possibilities. He may actually be doing it for nefarious purposes, as you suspect – he might be trying to curry favor with the boss, make you look bad, etc. etc. Or, he might not understand why it’s a big deal – it doesn’t impact him negatively, and (since he’s in Germany) he doesn’t really see the impact on you. A third possibility is that he’s simply never learned to collaborate: some people are great at building relationships upward and downward, but haven’t focused on (and don’t see the benefit of) creating strong “across” relationships.

Now, I’m basically of the innocent-till-proven-guilty school of thought. I’d suggest you start by assuming that he’s oblivious or uncaring, vs. out to get you. (If you later get enough data to conclude that he is, indeed, out to get you, there’s lots of great advice on this site about how to protect yourself from others’ negative political machinations.)

OK: if he’s oblivious or doesn’t care, then your main task is to help him understand what’s in it for him to share the information with you, and then to make it as easy as possible for him to do so. When you’re asking people to change their behaviors, you need to make the new behavior as easy, rewarding and normal as possible.

Easy means there are no impediments to doing it – and that, in fact, there are simple “pathways” set up to facilitate doing it. I’d suggest you look at how to make it drop-dead easy for him to share info with you. How about if you schedule a quick weekly phone call between the two of you, focused purely on information-sharing? Or perhaps you could even suggest a weekly call with the two of you and your boss, to discuss important issues and key decisions or approval requests? And you can definitely (if you’re not already doing this) forward him important information from your side and ask for any comments or relevant info in response.

And that brings us to rewarding. Those phone calls (or any other communication mechanism you invent or encourage) will only happen if he feels there’s something valuable there for him. So, think about that: What’s the benefit to him of sharing this information with you? What’s the benefit to the boss for you two to be sharing information? Unless you come up with some rewards that are pretty compelling (to him), it’s unlikely he’ll change his behavior.

And finally – normal. Normal means, “people who are like me do this, and/or people I respect and admire do this.” It may be that in his office in Germany, what he’s doing is standard operating procedure. Are there some examples you could share with him of this kind of information-sharing by truly successful people at your level in the organization? (And if you can hook your example directly to how it has supported their success, that goes to rewarding – two birds with one stone!)

So, the core of what I’m suggesting is that you shift your focus from why it would be good for you if he did this, to why it could be good for him; most of us naturally focus on the benefit to us of others behaving differently, and that’s just not that motivating to the other person (unless they already like and want to help you). Once you’ve figured out what’s in it for him and have shared that with him – figure out the “easy”: how to make it almost harder for him not to do it than to do it!

Good luck – keep us posted on your results – and thanks for writing to Office-Politics.


Erika Andersen, Author

Erika Andersen is the author of Growing Great Employees, newly released in paperback, which is a Kirkus Reviews recommended business book for 2007. Erika Andersen and her colleagues at Proteus International, the company she founded in 1990, offer practical approaches for individuals and organizations to clarify and move toward their hoped-for-future. Much of Erika’s recent work has focused on vision and strategy, executive coaching, and culture change. She has served as consultant and advisor to the CEOs and senior executives of corporations like MTV Networks, Molson Coors Brewing, Rainbow Media Holdings, Union Square Hospitality Group, and Comcast Corporation. Erika is an inaugural author of the Penguin Speakers Bureau, and she has been quoted in the New York Times, Industry Week, Investors’ Business daily, and Fortune.

  1. 4 Answers to “My coworker is hogging information”

  2. Feedback from Conveniently forgotten

    I enjoyed reading Erika’s response and I will implement some of the advice she has given. It is interesting to hear from an objective person about the situation and how to deal with it. I thank Erika for her time to write a response and I’ll keep you and her updated once I have done some of the ‘actions’.

    Thanks again!

    By Letter writer on Mar 30, 2008

  3. I have the same problem with our director. He excludes me from email that he writes to other directors and sometimes even my peers.
    E.g. if I give good suggestions or a solution, he copies my text, pastes it into his email and sends it to other directors. All recipients think that he (my director) wrote the mail and he takes credit for everything.
    During the process, if one of the directors in the TO list were to ask him a question, he would write a separate email to me with the same question, then when I provide him the answer, he copies my reply and sends it to all the directors. They all of course think that it was my boss’ reply.
    He is so brazen that he doesn’t even bother to change the font or size when he is copying and pasting my mail, he sends to other directors with the same fonts.
    How do I tell him that I would appreciate being copied to his mails especially if I have provided the solution? He is not someone who takes such suggestions lightly and seems to me he is doing this on purpose.

    By My Boss does it on May 12, 2008

  4. One thing I do is start BCC’ing the others on this. Had this problem at my workplace and once I started to BCC the emails, things starting to change with the Boss that took all the credit but did not know his or my job.

    By Greg on Jul 1, 2008

  5. I have a similar problem. The Procurement Agents control all information flow in Supplier Management and all direction to a supplier must come through them. I am a technical professional in the Supplier Management department who has been asked to “help” with a particular supplier. The PAs rarely CC me on emails to and from the Supplier so I am always behind the curve on information related to any contract disputes, any technical direction, production plans, delivery schedules, etc. I cannot do my job without this information. The PAs are sarcastic and joke about what my salary “must be”. PA#1 says self-referential things like, “well, I’m not ‘technical’ ” after he was rejected for an opening on the team I’m on. PA#1 treats me as if I’m his servant in spite of my age (20+ his) and experience (25 years to his 5) even telling me (not asking) to get him a conference room for an ongoing meeting. PA#1 orders me to do things via email, then after 2 reply/all responses, he removes me from the distribution list making it impossible for me to keep up on that topic. I have the evidence of that, by the way. When I don’t know a particular detail and make the mistake of admitting it, PA#1 says, “you’re in all the same meetings” which is generally true but I’ve been there 3 months and he’s been there 3 years dealing with a very complicated supply chain which isn’t documented anyplace except on the PAs laptop hard-drives. PA#1 keeps no action item log with the current status with any of the suppliers so there is no record other than his memory and private notes which are not shared with me. When I do ask questions, PA#1 answers only the specific question and provides no details (sort of a Greg Brady exact words situation), PA#2 always says he doesn’t know what PA#1 is working on.
    PA#1 even said, in a meeting with ALL of upper management on the project, “Well, I don’t want to throw LeftOutInTheCold under the bus, but…” and then stopped. He moved to the USA when he was 12 and tried to say he meant he WASN’T throwing me under the bus, but he’s been here long enough to know adding “but” to the end of a sentence reverses the meaning. I spoke with him later; he was very defensive and he denied it.
    The PAs control my fate and they know it. I have heard allegations that they are jealous of the higher potential salary and different responsibilities. I have no real proof of that but I find the snarking at me about my title and potential salary might point in that direction.
    I’ve read some of your other responses to problems with similar situations, and see that if I can negotiate with them that I might get some relief. Not sure what I have to offer them.
    A complication is that PA#1 is mentored informally by my own boss. I have asked for my boss to mentor me since i’ve only been in SM for a short time but that hasn’t resulted in any help. I have kept my boss informed of the situation. At first he acted as if I was a paranoid nut. and that I just had to talk to the PAs more. But, as I have shared details of more and more of these instances and he witnessed the “under the bus” remark, he seems to believe me but still no help.
    I’m at a loss here. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. I’ve always worked with a great team of people who all knew their roles and did their jobs and never, EVER refused to share information with any other team member.

    By LeftOutInTheCold on Jan 20, 2013

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