Coworker is trying to get me fired.
July 28, 2009 – 12:13 pm
Dear Office Politics,
Last month I was written up at work for tardiness, I was given a few days off from work as part of my write up. Since then I am trying to lay low. I have straightened up and don’t want any problems. There is one coworker Eric (pseudonym) that told lies to my supervisor Jim, in an attempt to get me fired. Jim dismissed it and told me to forget about. Eric ignores me while on the job and I know he is trying his best to get me fired or in trouble. He keeps spreading lies. All I want to do is show up for work and go home. I hate all this childish behavior. I don’t want to tell my boss because I am trying to stay off of his and everyone’s radar for a while.
I can’t transfer anywhere. I am nervous and it is causing me great stress. I have tried to be friendly but all efforts are nil. I work a high profile and dangerous job and I am scared.
Help!
The Lonely Scapegoat
OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER RONA MAYNARD
Dear Scapegoat,
I know how it feels to be the target of a colleague’s vicious lies. When I faced a similar challenge early on in my career, I too kept quiet about the smear campaign. Like you, I was trying to prove myself to a skeptical boss. Like bosses everywhere, he had more urgent things to do than listen to the worries of staffers who were not in his good books. So I hoped I was smart to keep a low profile. Bad idea. While I stewed, the lies kept reinforcing the boss’s lack of confidence in me.
Here’s what I didn’t understand. A smart boss will listen to a staffer who is trying to improve performance. You sound to me like that kind of staffer. Ever since that write-up for tardiness, you’ve focused on pulling up your socks. Now you aren’t sure how your supervisor, Jim, perceives your work. Why not be proactive and find out? You have the ideal opportunity to request a meeting with him. Keep the tone forward-looking and positive, starting with your request. You’re not asking for a chance to set the record straight (don’t even mention your lying colleague). What you’re asking for is feedback that will reinforce your efforts to be your absolute best.
Although you’re not about to say so outright, you also have another agenda: to brush up your image with Jim. This meeting is your chance to review all the steps you’ve taken to do better (don’t assume he already knows), show an interest in the challenges facing your group and position yourself as a team player who stands ready to meet those challenges. You’ll do this by listening to the supervisor, not just by talking about your own contribution. Be alert for two things: additional ways you can help, and clues to how your work is seen. If your boss’s view of the facts is based on Eric’s dirty tricks, keep your cool. Project confidence and calm, no matter how anxious you may feel, and do your best to leave Eric out of the discussion. “I’m surprised to hear that,” you might begin. Then tell Jim why you’re surprised. No emotion, just the facts.
This meeting may last 20 minutes or less. But if you keep the tone constructive, that could be all the time you need to put a dent in Eric’s negative portrayal of you and start building a new image based on your supervisor’s personal observation. You don’t have to say, “Eric is spreading lies about me” if you can prove that he’s lying with your actions and your attitude.
Still, you shouldn’t expect your troubles to be over then and there. Look on this meeting as a turning point, not a one-stop solution. What you initiate with Jim must be supported every day with your colleagues, who remember your former ways. Look for opportunities to go the extra mile. It’s said that healing an overuse injury takes just as long as creating the injury in the first place. You may have injured the trust of your teammates. Be patient and give them time to see that you’ve changed.
Then there’s Eric. Your “enemy.” What do you do about him? You may not be his only victim. And although you don’t say so, he may be one of those poisonous characters who excel at impressing higher-ups while undercutting their peers. All the more reason not to go head to head with him in a meeting with your boss. The HR department is better positioned to help you because they have no vested interest in Eric’s view of things and will know his history with the company. So make sure you meet with HR, not just your boss.
Good luck. And here’s to the new you—punctual, focused, respected. Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com.
Regards,
Rona Maynard, Author
Rona Maynard is the author of My Mother’s Daughter a memoir published by McClelland & Stewart in September, 2007.
Rona Maynard’s career as an award-winning journalist, leading magazine editor, acclaimed author and inspirational speaker owes much to the lessons she has drawn from coping with difficult people, both professionally and personally.
Rona edited Chatelaine, Canada’s number one magazine for women, during a decade of growth and innovation in which she attracted a new generation of readers to the franchise. While meeting every benchmark of success, she contended daily with complaints from readers, directives from corporate brass and the strong personalities on her creative staff, who ranged from seasoned baby boomers to Gen Yers with sharply different expectations. The team Rona built was honored internationally for journalism, design and overall editorial excellence. A dedicated mentor, she groomed five people who went on to edit national magazines—among many others who are now viewed as leaders in their industry.
When Rona had fulfilled her vision for Chatelaine, she stepped down to write the memoir her readers had been asking for. In My Mother’s Daughter, she tells the no-holds-barred story of how she became her own woman because of—and in spite of—the enthralling but domineering woman who formed her. From her struggles with a crazy-making boss, an undermining colleague and an alcoholic father, she draws a road map to living with integrity, purpose and joy. Alice Munro has called My Mother’s Daughter “wonderfully honest and enthralling.”
Rona continues to share her hard-won wisdom on her award-winning interactive website, ronamaynard.com, and at the podium. Her most sought-after speech is “Life-Changing Lessons from Difficult People.” Audiences say that Rona’s message brings them energy, hope and pointers they can use to transform their own lives.
Rona’s personal honors include a YWCA Woman of Distinction Award, a National Champion of Mental Health Award and a Woman of Action Award from the Israel Cancer Research Fund, as well as numerous writing awards.
from the New York Times bestselling authors of Made to Stick.
18 Answers to “Coworker is trying to get me fired.”
I have the same issue, I have a coworker who enjoys stirring the pot, and thinks of it as a game. They enjoy tackling the boss with
bold comments, and talking behind the other coworkers back. It is all used as fun for her. She then uses humor with the boss, to smooth it all over. The boss just shrugs it off. Unexceptable high school behavior but is not reigned in by the boss.
By Jane on Jul 29, 2009
In my 40s, and with a huge variety of work experience both in offices and other work types, I still am too trusting of people and haven’t learnt how to pretend, lie, backstab or keep my mouth shut. These are things you need to do to be the perfect office employee and fit into most organisations, particularly government. The best advice anyone with office work experience can give is to trust no-one except your best friend (eg someone you are friends with out of work). Also, one very important point is that managers in particular and other staff will say anything to cover their butts whether it is truthful, contrived, biased or misconstrued and they usually can do it withing the various regulations that they know so well. So, keep relationships minimal, don’t voice an opinion about the organisation and don’t bag anyone out about anything to anyone. Another quick point is that those with private organisation experience are much more skilled in manipulating, pretending and lying than others and those who are ‘institutionalised’ eg working at same govt place for 20 years, will do ANYTHING to protect their jobs even if they have to lie.
By Jacqueline on Sep 17, 2009
My Case is a bit different, theres this workmate who was promoted recently and he is out to destroy me, he has ganged up with shop floor supervisors such that any thing I’d want to implement they shoot it down to show the boss that i cant work and at the same time i cant implement anything without them. What do i do?
By Felix on Oct 9, 2009
I too am a victim of bullying at the workplace .. the difference?? It is my manager who is doing the bullying!
There are days when i am so worried about going to work..it makes me sick.
My boss has actually suspended me because i refused to have a meeting with them about my so called bad behaviour..My boss has actually fabricated and documented false information regarding my job performance. I am the one who is being made to look bad ..
What does one do when it is the boss doing the bullying?
By Kate on Oct 20, 2009
I am a manager and have a employee who claims I touched her. I did nothing of the sort and I handled myself very professionally. She got out of hand with me. Now she and another worker wrote a letter and fabricated it. I got written up for it. HR did not contact me to hear my side of story and when i told my boss he thougth she too was making it up however he has to make sure that they are covered if she and her little friend pushes the issue. I’m willing to take a lie detector test, but seemily no one wants to pursue anything but to put a blemish on my perfect record. I know I’m being set up and now I don’t know what to do to protect myself. I can’t just quit as I need my income for my family. Do I just stand by and take this ? These girls now walk around the office and do not listen to me and come in and out for work whenever they feel like it. I have to now walk on eggshells with my employees.
By Tara on Oct 21, 2009
I have a job that up until last Friday, loved. I’ve been with this company for 5 years now and even though the job I was originally hired for has tripled in the amount of work, and the other things added to my responsibilities could probably keep one or two other employees busy full time, I like my job. Recently I was called into the office of my boss where he proceeded to speak to me about the other employees being afraid of me. I was speechless, then I was hurt and next came anger. I talked with many of the employees he claimed were afraid of me and from what I heard they were under the impression not to bother me, not from me, but from the receptionist. When they try to call me she won’t let the call go through, she just asks how she can help them. I found out that I rarely receive my calls. When I take a day off, I have on more than one occasion come back to emails about the receptionist asking to take over my responsibilities. She listens in on my conversations and uses my exact words when she talks to people. The one problem here is that she is unaware of the context in which I say what I do, so most of the time she is incorrect in what she is saying. Last Friday I was written up and threatened with termination for being unavailable to the other employees, and for not doing my job. I would have no problem with this person taking over some of the things I do, but she does not even complete what she is already supposed to do. When she took a couple days off, the first two calls I took were from people at the corporate office complaining how rudely and inappropriate she talks to them. What do I do? I cannot afford to loose my job, I don’t want to loose my job, this would be different if I was really flaky, hostile and undependable like I am accused of, I am still in shock. Do I get statements from the other employees? Take pictures? Notes?? How do I fight to save my job without looking like a 12 year old? If I say nothing I look like I am guilty.
By Millie on Nov 9, 2009
Office politicians are those who are obsessed with what others are doing and how it affects them, instead of being focussed on completing their own task at hand.
By PRoFoUND on Nov 20, 2009
Wow, I found this article after googling and its almost identical to the situation I’m in now. I have worked for this organization for almost 5 years now. Another employee, call him Ed, has been here for 2 years. About a year and a half ago Ed started acting arrogant and condensending towards me in front of the boss and supervisors. Frequently making snide comments and remarks out of the blue and completely inappropriate. I know that he is having trouble with family life and I dismissed many of his outburst to stress from home. I learned from another employee that Ed had complained about me to the boss but had no other information as to what about. I am having a little trouble in finding the best course of action for resolving this issue. Should I remain passive and “kill them with kindness” or start playing his undermining game? I work in law enforcement and I believe this is his underhanded attempt at getting the next promotion, which his only competition is me.
By Shocked on Dec 21, 2009
I feel your pain. I feel I am good at what I do but I work with a co-worker who consistently spins stuff to make me look bad and a boss who is a bully. I finally went to the head of our organization and I told him that I would no longer be harassed and that I have never ever had any issues with bosses or co-workers and that I am good with our clients.My boss tried to get me into trouble with office of inspector general by using me as a scape goat for something she had done. She is immature and she has a lot to learn I love my job but I hate all the other stuff. I have tried to talk only about the stuff I need to and this makes my situation worse. I have even been ask if i have ever used drugs before. That is bs. I want to run but I am 43 Other co-workers have these same issues but they are afraid to step forward.
By Elizabeth on Dec 23, 2009
Document, Document, Document. Sending emails to HR with the facts of what is going on is the best thing you can do to protect yourself. It may not stop them from firing you but it will help when you file a wrongful termination lawsuite or a civil suit.
By Rochelle on Jan 25, 2010
I just discovered that another person in my office has been trying to get me fired. So I googled the topic and found so many of you guys that are going through the exact same thing I am. Did any of your situations turn out in your favor? I come to work everyday expecting to get the boot at any moment. The woman doing the bullying, everyone thinks she’s ‘so amazing’.
By Ashley on Feb 25, 2010
I have worked in public service for over 20 years and find myself frequently a victim of office politics. I’m a hard worker but for whatever reason some people run to the bosses about every little thing. Recently I lost an opportunity to do a different position because of a busybody. A year ago they placed me under the supervision of a friend of mine. It turns out she is one of the gossipy busybodies and I didn’t even know. It got so bad that a month ago we both agreed we should not work together and requested a change. Since that time she has done one vindictive thing after another and I’ve had to meet with her boss twice. They have not reassigned me and they keep coming up with excuses. She also has a reputation for firing people including one of her friends about 10 years ago. Yesterday I went into work and I was so upset I could not even focus. I went to two different supervisors and told them both the same thing. Either I get an immediate reassignment or I would be forced to go to our union. I then went home sick. Fortunately the supervisors who were well aware of the problem advocated for me and I was reassigned before the day was out.
By yvonne johnson on Apr 23, 2010
There is a co-worker who was in my position before me and was promoted. He now is always saying…’when I was in this dept, we did this and that and this way and that….’ blah blah. Well things are different and his way wasn’t necessarily the best way. We have had 3 different managers and he has made it a point to go to each one with his grips about us and the dept. This is becoming a hostile work environment, what should I do?
By TiredOne on Apr 23, 2010
Prayer is the answer..i have the same problem…pray and watch god sort em all out!
By Josie on May 8, 2010
PRoFoUND, who had posted on this topic on Nov. 20, 2009, is correct: people who feel the need to participate in office intrigue, backstabbing, and gossip are the ones who don’t do their work; either they’re lazy, or incompetent, or both – so they take the easy way out by participating in these stupid, childish games.
Rochelle, who posted on Jan. 25, 2010, also has the right idea: write down and document everything the backstabber says and does. This will be powerful evidence against this creep should you decide to file a formal complaint.
By Marie on Jun 8, 2010
I feel for you all I am in a similar situation as most here.
By Rich on Jun 19, 2010
Wow, I am having the same problems as these! In fact I’m going through a second manager with the same BS. I have already spoken with our DM and Head manager about the person bothering me and that I feel targeted. I already know I can’t really trust anyone at this point. but Grow up! I can’t believe these people have kids! I also dread going to work .
I do not think the head manager is a fair person. I don’t think he’ll listen to what i have to say, in fact I know he won’t. I can’t do what was suggested in the post above me to write everything down. seeing as that would be held against me and said as I ‘ wasn’t working’. unfortunately I don’t know what’s being said. But I do know the person will lie or exaggerate things and the head manager will believe them. how do you keep out of trouble when no one will take your side or ask what happened from your point of view?
I work at a place where I don’t fit in. and the higher ups are friends so, when I have an issue they won’t believe me because I’m not friendly with them.
I wish I could just do my job. and that adults would be adults instead of acting like children. I now know that the real way to be a manager is to suck up to people, lie, cheat, and backstab. when you don’t like someone look for anything that is legitimate to get at them. most of all I work at a drug store NOT an office. there is a HUGE double standard how do I fight that?
I just want to say ‘wow you sure do have a lot of time on your hands to know what I do all day every day’
By Worriez on Jun 22, 2010
my coworker seems to be setting me up – we’ve been friends (at least i thought) for 13 years – we’ve only been working at this same employement for the last almost 4 years….
it seems as though she is talking about me behind my back with the owners…..
times are really tough – we work in the construction industry and are suffering really hard times at this time…
our duties are totally different – she is in estimating and i am in accounting ….
i cannot figure out what is going on between me and my friend….. (i was even in her wedding several years ago)……
i asked her last week was something wrong between us – but she said nothing…..
i am not a threat to her because i can’t do her duties nor do i want to….
derylene
By derylene on Jul 18, 2010