Franke James is Editor/Founder of Office-Politics.com and Inventor of the Office-Politics® Game.

Peter R. Garber has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and is the author of many business books including: Winning the Rat Race at Work and 100 Ways to Get on the Wrong Side of your Boss.

Dina Beach Lynch, is an Ombudsman, Author and former attorney. An award-winning mediator, Dina served as the Corporate Ombudsman for the 7th largest bank in the US helping over 48,000 employees to resolve workplace issues.

Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.

Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America's most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.

Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling.

Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. John is currently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada's aboriginal communities.

Two members seem to be having a "romantic" relationship. They spend time all day together working on the same work issues...

Brandon and Seldman respond: "What's really eating at you? Well, whether or not they are experiencing certain "perks" with each other isn't an issue you need to invest time, energy, aggravation, or risking of your own reputation, is it? What is?"

March 2006

Dear Office-Politics,

I was hired to be a Lead Analyst on a project 2 years ago. The position entails leading analysis efforts, education peers and supporting senior management with decision making that will promote the delivery of a software product.

Over the past year the team members have changed for the better, but two members seem to be having a "romantic" relationship. They spend time all day together working on the same work issues (what hers is his and what's his is hers), take off the same days, accompany each other to accounts, and spend personal time together as well (they deny a romantic relationship just friends). Regardless of the type of relationship, it has impacted me in a negative way. Anything that is worked on by them is only shared between them. There have been a few incidents where issues were not escalated in a timely fashion because the "dynamic duo" felt they could handle it.

My lead position is one in which I am there to lend support for critical matters and they refused to utilize me or communicate what is going on in any way. I have confronted them about the issue and now the tension among us is very uncomfortable. The other team members feel that the "duo" is creating a us vs. them environment. Another issue with this is our management team will not address it because the work is still getting done.

I am ready to resign but really don't want to because I have 4 years invested in the company and do enjoy what I do. Any advice on how to deal with this? Thanks.

Third Wheel

Dear Third Wheel,

We truly wish we could be there with you to get a sense of what's really going on since, obviously, it's impossible to know from the outside and there are so many possible interpretations. Two key questions to ask yourself honestly, the two we need to better understand in order to really offer concrete suggestions are: • IS THERE SABOTAGE, COLLUSION, OR OVERLY POLITICAL BEHAVIOR GOING ON? • WHAT IS YOUR REAL BATTLE, AND IS IT WORTH FIGHTING?

SABOTAGE OR DECEPTION?
The first thing we start sniffing around for is what kind of people are our letter-writers dealing with? Are the problems they are creating relatively innocent or unintentional, stemming from incompetence or lack of judgment, or fairly minor politicking? Or do you have on your hands what we call Overly Political people, characterized by hidden ulterior motives for naked self-interest against the best interests of the company, people building a "Private Power Pocket"–– a moat around their area because they are being purposely deceptive and hiding something, or do the people engage in sabotage that can either be behind your back bad-mouthing, withholding and keeping you out of the loop, or actively and openly attacking or blaming you in public.

We do hear you that you feel "frozen out" but we don't see any evidence of malice against you personally from your letter, no actions to undermine you. So first, make sure you're clear on what you think their intent is. They sound fairly minor league in their politicking. So unhook yourself emotionally and don't take it personally. As far as possible hidden agendas, they may just be lazy, less efficient, or they may be hiding the true nature of their relationship. But are they hurting anyone except for occasional inertia in escalating issues? Any near disasters? If not, make sure that you don't earn a reputation as being like Chicken Little running around fearful that the "sky is falling." As you say, their behavior romantically probably does not matter if you can just work the BUSINESS ISSUE at hand. Is there one?

WHAT BATTLE ARE YOU FIGHTING?
What's really eating at you? Well, whether or not they are experiencing certain "perks" with each other isn't an issue you need to invest time, energy, aggravation, or risking of your own reputation, is it? What is? If the romance bit is the thorn, you could talk to HR, but we don't hear much rationale. And what do you gain unless they are seriously hurting the organization, other than a bad rap yourself as someone with an axe to grind? It seems like you are worried that their buffering of data, withholding, and controlling actions so they stay between them will impact YOU by undermining your ability to contribute, influence with good ideas, positively impact the team and company, and ultimately hurt your career, yes? If so, you have a number of options:

1) MAKE IT A THREESOME!
Sorry about the play on words, but here we mean, you might have gotten further with honey than vinegar as they say, so if you confronted in an accusatory way that alienated them, their walls may have gone up further. Sounds like the way you approached them was off-putting, maybe treading ground that was their business, instead of respectfully expressing specific outcomes of their interaction, results, behaviors that tangibly and negatively impact you, the productivity, stress, etc. If they ARE hiding something like their relationship, you could have avoided tipping them off that they better be careful around you by avoiding discussing their motives and instead expressing "concern" for the business and offering to become more involved from a helpful posture, so there is a benefit rather than threat to them for interacting and opening their kimona. Note that your role is to help, support, etc. and that perhaps you might free them up to do other enriching projects if they considered you part of their team. Of course, you want to be able to "cover for them" if they are sick or swamped with other work, noting how you really believe in teamwork. The bumper sticker slogan for this tactic would be "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer."

2) DO YOUR OWN THING
If their privacy in "idea inbreeding" hurts you by preventing you from making visible impact and therefore muffles your visibility and career potential, before you cut your losses and leave after investing time (is it two years or four since you said it two different ways), first stay a bit and find other ways to become an obvious value added Lead Analyst (or more). Experiment with providing the kind of education and support to others who want it, especially if these two eventually will be digging their own grave.

Make a strong positive impression for the work you can do rather than wasting time in a pocket you can't change. Remember to put your hand print on your work, show management that you are a mover and shaker that makes a difference, and network with powerful people so that you are a known quantity. When expressing concerns to a manager, make it clear you respect their right to call the plays as quarterbacks, that you simply want to make a positive impact. If you are under-utilized let them know you can take on more work, support other pockets who might need it more since certain members seem to handle things on their own (hint, hint). In other words, find ways to let seniors know you have talents that can be further challenged and you have the time to do it since the unit has sections that are seeming to operate fine on their own and you don't want to just spin your wheels (again, non- accusatory fashion).

3) PLAY HARDBALL
Of course, you still have the option of pointing the finger at the two colleagues, whatever they are doing, but just weigh the risks. If you do go that route, say NOTHING about the romance issue unless you have irrefutable proof and a solid reason to believe it makes sense to surface that issue. Just discuss visible behaviors like issues not escalated in time, need to have more than two people aware of account data, etc. Use phrases like "benefit through diversification of resources," "let's find ways to have broader issue management capability ACROSS the team so that nothing falls through the cracks." Remember that often managers deal with blamers who finger point by observing that if you're pointing a finger at others, three are still pointing back at yourself. So make sure what you do say is in the spirit of being constructive.

Another "hardball" tactic would be to allow them to fail. WE don't mean to seriously hurt the company, but if they are really operating with a moat and refusing to share "critical" information, make sure you document your efforts to lead and help that are cast off, and then wait and see what happens if you don't pick up the pieces to protect them from their own negligence. Have you and the rest of the team been saving this twosome? You might consider letting them fall on their faces with an issue that does not get escalated if it was clearly identified as one that they hoarded and kept secret from others. This will help you build your case if you decide to lobby against them. Some people would say there is the option of being an anonymous whistle blower IF and only if these people are really hurting the company, and you would be doing so with integrity and for the right reasons.

We also recognize you can always check out your options in other companies, but so far there are more avenues to pursue before that last resort. We wish you well, and may you navigate with savvy and a moral compass! Then you won't lose sleep at night.

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Best,

Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D., Co-authors
Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success
www.survivalofthesavvy.com