"A male co-worker and I were pretty fond of one another...."

Dear Office-Politics,

My problem is that I fear I will be fired from my job pretty soon.

Reason is...a male co-worker (Jesse) and I were pretty fond of one another. He had a bad day, and to make him feel better, I left him a note on his desk (one of the dumbest things I could do!!). He actually is not the problem, but the cause of it.

I admit it was very stupid and foolish of me to have written this letter. I honestly wrote that another male co-worker (Jack) was leering at me. Jack is Jesse's supervisor. Other things were written in the letter as well. Jesse, for some reason, allowed another male co-worker, a toxic one, (Zach) to read the letter. Zach then told our manager about this letter and she confronted Jack, the one who was leering at me. I have no authority over any of these people. In that letter, I also listed reasons why I couldn't stand the toxic co-worker, who is my manager's favorite due to office politics.

Also, my manager has yet to confront me about the letter, which I don't know why. I also overheard my manager ask Jack: "What do you think of the things he/she said?" I couldn't tell if she said he or she. He replied: "All lies." They also keep having these impromptu, brief, closed-door meetings. I know for a fact that our department has "borrowed" another person with the same job title/position as me from one of our
satellite offices for two months. I am not sure why they are "borrowing" her. But because of the circumstances, I feel that she is my temporary replacement until they hire someone full time to replace me. It sounds paranoid, but I am scared of all the shame, embarrassment, and humiliation that I may have to go through because of what Jesse did even though I am the idiot who wrote the letter. I am angry at Jesse because he showed someone the letter even when I specifically told him in the letter to "please make sure that this letter does not get into the wrong hands". I am so disappointed in myself for writing the stupid letter, in Jesse for showing the letter to others when I specifically told him not to, in Zach for running to our manager like a little girl and telling her about it, and the way our manager is handling this situation. I know overall I can't blame anyone else but me. But I'm scared right now. Please respond to my situation!!! Any insight will be most appreciative and helpful. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Scared and Confused

Dear Scared and Confused,

One of the tougher problems to confront in life is dealing with our own mistakes. Your letter sounds like a classic instance of gossipy Office Politics. One of the best reasons to avoid gossip is because, by
definition, it is communication that has a hurtful impact when it is repeated.

Good for you, however, for recognizing your mistake. The challenge is, how to correct the situation.

I know of no other way than to apologize to everyone involved. Other people are not blameless, but that does not diminish your responsibility. Seek out each person, including your manager, and ask for a private time to discuss this matter. Tell them you recognize that you acted inappropriately and thoughtlessly and that you would like to make amends. Tell them that you have learned from this experience. Ask them,
if they would care to, to tell you how your action affected them. Listen carefully and without comment to their description of their experience. It is very important that you hear them fully and not interrupt them by trying to defend or explain yourself.

I'm afraid that there is no easy way out of this, but a sincere apology can work wonders in building a new and better relationship with those you have offended or upset.

I hope it works out for you.

Dr. John Burton

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