Office-Politics

What is OfficePolitics.com? Real People. Real Problems. Expert Advice.

The Office-Politics Advisers:

John Burton Franke James Marty Seldman Glueck Bezoza Rick Brandon Arnie Herz Timothy Johnson erika andersen

Archived Letters | OP Advisers | Bookstore | Office-Politics Game | About | RSS


Franke James
The irreverent
Co-creator of Office-Politics will wade in with her opinion on your dilemma, and seek advice from industry experts.

.

Dr. John Burton teaches Ethics at the Schulich School of Business at York University in Toronto, Canada

"A male co-worker and I were pretty fond of one another...."

August 2004

Dear Office-Politics,

My problem is that I fear I will be fired from my job pretty soon.

Reason is...a male co-worker (Jesse) and I were pretty fond of one another. He had a bad day, and to make him feel better, I left him a note on his desk (one of the dumbest things I could do!!). He actually is not the problem, but the cause of it.

I admit it was very stupid and foolish of me to have written this letter. I honestly wrote that another male co-worker (Jack) was leering at me. Jack is Jesse's supervisor. Other things were written in the letter as well. Jesse, for some reason, allowed another male co-worker, a toxic one, (Zach) to read the letter. Zach then told our manager about this letter and she confronted Jack, the one who was leering at me. I have no authority over any of these people. In that letter, I also listed reasons why I couldn't stand the toxic co-worker, who is my manager's favorite due to office politics.

Also, my manager has yet to confront me about the letter, which I don't know why. I also overheard my manager ask Jack: "What do you think of the things he/she said?" I couldn't tell if she said he or she. He replied: "All lies." They also keep having these impromptu, brief, closed-door meetings. I know for a fact that our department has "borrowed" another person with the same job title/position as me from one of our
satellite offices for two months. I am not sure why they are "borrowing" her. But because of the circumstances, I feel that she is my temporary replacement until they hire someone full time to replace me. It sounds paranoid, but I am scared of all the shame, embarrassment, and humiliation that I may have to go through because of what Jesse did even though I am the idiot who wrote the letter. I am angry at Jesse because he showed someone the letter even when I specifically told him in the letter to "please make sure that this letter does not get into the wrong hands". I am so disappointed in myself for writing the stupid letter, in Jesse for showing the letter to others when I specifically told him not to, in Zach for running to our manager like a little girl and telling her about it, and the way our manager is handling this situation. I know overall I can't blame anyone else but me. But I'm scared right now. Please respond to my situation!!! Any insight will be most appreciative and helpful. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Scared and Confused

Dear Scared and Confused,

One of the tougher problems to confront in life is dealing with our own mistakes. Your letter sounds like a classic instance of gossipy Office Politics. One of the best reasons to avoid gossip is because, by
definition, it is communication that has a hurtful impact when it is repeated.

Good for you, however, for recognizing your mistake. The challenge is, how to correct the situation.

I know of no other way than to apologize to everyone involved. Other people are not blameless, but that does not diminish your responsibility. Seek out each person, including your manager, and ask for a private time to discuss this matter. Tell them you recognize that you acted inappropriately and thoughtlessly and that you would like to make amends. Tell them that you have learned from this experience. Ask them,
if they would care to, to tell you how your action affected them. Listen carefully and without comment to their description of their experience. It is very important that you hear them fully and not interrupt them by trying to defend or explain yourself.

I'm afraid that there is no easy way out of this, but a sincere apology can work wonders in building a new and better relationship with those you have offended or upset.

I hope it works out for you.

Dr. John Burton


Send your comments about this article to: ceo AT officepolitics DOT com

The Ethics Letters that appears as a feature of this Website is an educational and discussion oriented column designed to help the reader better understand ethical issues. The matters discussed in the letter are reviewed in a summary/abbreviated way and are only meant to foster thinking on the part of the reader. If a person decides to adopt or implement suggestions, they do so at their own risk. No representation or warranty is provided in relation to suggestions or the contents of the letter. Neither the authors of the letter, Franke James, John W. Burton, or the owners of this Website accept any liability whatsoever for any opinions expressed in the letter or for errors and omissions. Submission of letters to the Office-Politics Forum grants the Publisher, Nerdheaven Ltd. the right to reproduce, republish, repurpose and excerpt the submission in any and all other media, without compensation or contacting the author. Copyright Nerdheaven Ltd. 2002-2005