"The Boss' wife is very jealous of me, to the point
where it has turned into harassment..."

Dear Office-Politics,

I recently started a new position at a prominent corporation as an Executive Administrator. I like the position and the career growth that was promised by my manager. Before I took this position I worked for a corporation as a project manager and also managed an office staff. My responsibilities were high level and intellectually challenging. Even though I enjoyed that job I knew at one point I would need more growth in my career.

So, now I am here at my new job and asking myself “what have I gotten myself into.” I report to two managers, one a vice president, the other, his boss, an executive vice president. The executive VP lives in another state so communication is done via phone, e-mail, and trips.

Here is my problem: The vice president I work with also has his wife working in the same office. I did not know this till about one week after starting. The introduction was awkward, not so much for me but for his wife. She instantly took a disliking to me. I found out that her and my manager actually met at the office (he was married), had an
office romance and got married. The wife is very jealous of me, to the point where it has turned into harassment. She is trying to get other co-workers to avoid me, and not help me to learn my job. Even my boss (her husband) completely ignores me when she is around. I do not believe at this point that my career is going to amount to anything. If it wasn’t for my other manager, I would be twiddling my thumbs all day long with nothing to do.

Anyways, the wife glares at me all the time, even in meetings. Our offices are diagonal to each and we both have windows facing each other. She has sent me harassing e-mails, almost knocked me over in the hallway one day,
and refuses to show any respect to me at all. I heard from a co-worker, who has witnessed her behavior and has also tried talking with her about it that she is seeing a counselor to deal with her feelings concerning me.

I find this entire thing crazy, I just want to scream “get a grip,” but of course I wouldn’t do that. When she does these things to me I don’t acknowledge them at all. I am not able to work under these conditions, so yesterday I told
the executive VP, he was going to talk with her. I have not heard anything back yet and am feeling extremely uncomfortable.

I have always been told how pretty I am and also kind. I consider myself to be very intelligent too. Right now I am being treated as if I just fell from a turnip truck and am not quite sure how to deal with this. Any suggestions?

Thanks,

Not the Other Woman

Dear Not the Other Woman,

It sounds as if you are caught in the middle of a marital issue which has no place in an office. Let's try to take the high road on this one -- if you always behave professionally, cooperatively and competently, people will come on-side quickly and reciprocate.

In practical terms, that means: Stick to your job and ignore any emails or conversations that do not concern your work. Keep your personal life private and expect others you work with to do the same. Above all, do not get involved in office gossip - don't listen to it and if you hear any, don't repeat it. This woman has serious self esteem problems which will endanger her marriage and her job. It may take some time to earn the respect of your colleagues but it will be worth it in the long run. Be courteous and polite to this woman and treat her like any other person in the office rather than as the wife of your boss.

You mention that you have spoken to the Executive VP to whom you also report. Even though you are anxiously waiting to hear how the Exec VP responds, you did well to bring this situation to the attention of senior management. It is affecting not only you but others in the workplace as well and management has a right to know about it and a responsibility to address it.

Concentrate your efforts on developing your job to its utmost potential. At the very least, you will end up with an enviable skill set that will be an advantage in any other position you might find yourself in.

Good luck,

Franke James and Dr. John Burton

Follow-up reply from Not the Other Woman:
"Thank you for the excellent advice. I will take the high road!"

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