Franke James is Editor/Founder of Office-Politics.com and Inventor of the Office-Politics® Game.

Peter R. Garber has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and is the author of many business books including: Winning the Rat Race at Work and 100 Ways to Get on the Wrong Side of your Boss.

Dina Beach Lynch, is an Ombudsman, Author and former attorney. An award-winning mediator, Dina served as the Corporate Ombudsman for the 7th largest bank in the US helping over 48,000 employees to resolve workplace issues.

Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.

Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America's most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.

Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling.

Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. John is currently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada's aboriginal communities.

Professional counsellors recommend I ignore these people as they are only ankle-biters and are insecure in themselves. The problem is that they are drawing others into the posse as well...

Brandon and Seldman respond: "It's clear the "Nurse" is in need of first aid! Firstly emotional first aid... "

July 2006

Dear Office-Politics,

I am two years into a job at a major company that is purely heaven.

Lately though I have been the subject of backstabbing and childhood games. No one confronts me directly even though I am supposed to only deal with the issue that way, as directed by my director. When I addressed the issues with my director she listened and then suggested I go first talk with the managers (title by degree and not by merit). This was already done and I was advised many months ago that I should not confront the same people (by her).

My dilemma is that "professional counsellors " recommend I ignore these people as they are only ankle-biters and are insecure in themselves. The problem is that they are drawing others into the posse as well. I really do not mind, but I feel as though the director now does not give me the same opportunities as before.

I'm an ethical person and have strong morals. My reviews have been exceptional and I have received corporate and personal accolades already.

I have refused on two occasions to go along with the managers when these two traits are to be compromised.

I want to learn how to better deal with the corporate players. Should I just ignore, politely personally confront again, or...?

Nurse T

Dear Nurse T,

It's clear the "Nurse" is in need of first aid! Firstly emotional first aid.

FIND SUPPORT
Try to reach out to trusted others for support, venting, and reality testing since sometimes when we're upset by workplace politics, we can start letting our inflamed feelings inflate or exaggerate the situation. We're not accusing you of over-reacting, simply suggesting that you prevent this and double-check your conclusions about what's happening so that you stay balanced and professional. Especially since perspective is doubly important given that you begin your letter by saying that your job is "purely heaven." Don't let a few snakey colleagues ruin what is otherwise a fulfilling employment situation. Often we need to remind outselves that workplace politics is simply "the price of the dream!" Every organization is political and none have repealed the laws of human nature. If you cannot find ways to maintain this reality check and get thrown totally off balance, they win double by getting to you.

CONFRONT OR CONVERSE?
Regarding how to resolve the badmouthing, we would suggest not giving up just yet. Your word "confrontation" is curious since we reserve this for times when someone needs to be called on negative behavior after simple requests or agreements regarding behavior or performance are repeatedly unfulfilled. Unless these people have told you specifically what you've done to earn their disdain and backstabbing, you need to find out. Humble yourself and don't address the fact that they are wrong by "ankle-biting" or trash-talking. Your goal is NOT to make them wrong, but to make them stop badmouithing you, right? So eat some crow and tell them this meeting is not to accuse them of anything, rather to do some bridge mending by attempting to change any behaviors on yoiur part that they might find frustrating or counter-productive. Let your Director now this is the flavor of your conversation, not blame. Then see what happens if you take ownership. They may cut you some slack through your good faith efforts. We can't help wondering if the spirit of your past efforts of "confronting" the saboteurs might have made them defensive, especially when you reference them as managers in title only, not merit. This "throw-away" cut invites our thought that you might resent them, perhaps this leaks out, maybe you unwittingly show disrespect, etc. You never know.

BUFFER YOURSELF
Engage in plenty of networking with others for positive relationship building, especially with powerful people, both through title and through influence power. Ingratiate yourself to the Director with great work as you already are doing, build that positive track record, and document all you do that contributes to results. Put your hand print on your positive work without overdoing it. This reputation building for credibility and for importance through connections will buffer you from attacks by others.

ETHICS AND MORALS OR RIGIDITY?
Frankly, the later issue about your refusal to compromise on ethical issues worries us. We have no idea, since there is no detail on what the situations were or how you took a stand, whether you are falling into a common trap. Often UNDER-political (yes, it's possible!) people pride themselves in their quality work and substance and "refusal" to play the game so much so that they ignore the need to pay attention somewhat to image, to power relationships, to not always speaking total truth in the moment since this can mean a lack of verbal discipline. So if you are this kind of person with a strong moral compass, just make sure you are using your values to help build respect versus being seen as laying an ethical values judgment on others, who perhaps don't draw the "foul line" exactly where you do. Maybe they are dancing NEAR the line without going over it. Are you certain? We can't know since you have not painted enough of a clear picture for us due to space, but just self-examine whether you could be called "holier than thou," rigid in your ideas or morals, or a stick-in-the-mud. If so, try to have more fun, take yourself and "rules" a little less seriously without becoming a shark or sleaze. There is balance or you'll be seen a "fundamentalist," and there is nothing "fun" when someone is seen as going "mental."

We hope these tips help with either a band-aid, or a door opener to longer term "treatment" of the political sickness from which your organization might suffer. If not the "cure," we hope we've given medicine to reduce the symptoms! Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.com

Best,

Rick and Marty

Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D., Co-authors
Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success
www.survivalofthesavvy.com