Franke James is Editor/Founder of Office-Politics.com and Inventor of the Office-Politics® Game.

Peter R. Garber has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and is the author of many business books including: Winning the Rat Race at Work and 100 Ways to Get on the Wrong Side of your Boss.

Dina Beach Lynch, is an Ombudsman, Author and former attorney. An award-winning mediator, Dina served as the Corporate Ombudsman for the 7th largest bank in the US helping over 48,000 employees to resolve workplace issues.

Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.

Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America's most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.

Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling.

Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. John is currently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada's aboriginal communities.

I have been recently advised by my manager that the problem with me is that I don't 'play the game'...

Brandon and Seldman respond: "There are so many things you mention that are unfair and unprofessional. Although they seem to be “getting away” with their management practices, there are definite short term consequences and of course they are vulnerable to legal complaints."

July 2006

Dear Office-Politics,

Upon asking about the opportunity for me to move up, I have been recently advised by my manager that the problem with me is that I don't play the game. The problem is that "you are an intelligent, attractive female." "People are intimidated by you." Frustrated by this, I have asked several times to please coach me on what it is you would like to see different, to get the response that there is really nothing specific and that if it was a big deal I would have been pulled into the office about it. This double talk is maddening.

In addition to that I have witnessed some seriously nasty behavior on the part of my VP. She makes nasty sexual remarks about a particular male coworker. He once divulged that they "never actually slept together, but she would not stop calling me all the time." My take on it is that this VP knows I don't condone her cavorting, as others in the group do, since I am a bit older and somewhat more conservative. There is a lot of partying and drinking together. I don't engage in that anymore after the time the female VP made graphic sexual remarks and acts towards the male coworker in question. I saw them leave together at the end of the evening. Since then he has advanced several positions within one year.

Meanwhile I am told, literally, that there is "no chance" for me to move up and am reminded regularly how little I am liked. This has been extended to include that "perhaps people don't like it when you talk about ....." Or people just don't like you." I have been told that "perhaps I should not talk to anyone." My answer to this is to let my manager know I am taking notes, and that I have consulted with an expert (hint: attorney) and that I know my rights. My discussions with HR are interesting in that I have been told, in writing, that they know about this issue and that to have to deal with again is a sheer disappointment.

I will be leaving the company soon, however I am shocked and appalled that a banking organization as large as mine gets away with such punitive and sophomoric management.

Not-Playing-the-Game

Dear Not-Playing-the-Game,

Although we wrote our book because we met so many people who have had experiences like yours it is still very sobering and disappointing to read your letter.

There are so many things you mention that are unfair and unprofessional. Although they seem to be “getting away” with their management practices, there are definite short term consequences and of course they are vulnerable to legal complaints.

Short term they may lose people like yourself, erode the reputation of the company and demotivate people who are competent but see someone being promoted for undeserved reasons.

It might be useful to our readers to highlight some of the behavior that is unfair and not helpful. We won’t comment on the obvious sexual harassment behavior which we are sure is clear to our readers.

1. ATTRACTIVE FEMALE
This phrase and comment is not appropriate since being “attractive” or “female” is not related to your job performance.

2. PLAY THE GAME
This phrase is disturbing because it is so vague and could be used to describe anything from being political, managing up, tolerating unethical behavior or exchanging sexual favors. In addition it is not related to competencies.

3. YOU HAVE ISSUES
Telling you that you have issues, but giving you no specific feedback or examples. This is about as frustrating a situation as you can devise for someone who wants to improve.

We are sorry about your experiences but hopefully by writing to us you may be able to help others reflect on their behavior.

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Best,

Rick and Marty

Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D., Co-authors
Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success
www.survivalofthesavvy.com

FOLLOWUP SUGGESTION: FIND A MENTOR!

As a practical way of building on the excellent advice from Rick Brandon and Marty Seldman, I'd like to suggest that you seek out a mentor to help guide you through the corporate maze! Susan Butler Bulkeley offers virtual mentorship and talks about how to find the right mentor in her new book "Become the CEO of You Inc." Susan is a very smart and generous lady with a long successful career working for consulting firm Accenture.

Franke James
Inventor, The Office Politics Game
www.OfficePolitics.com

Feedback from Not-Playing-the-Game:

Thank you for this great information. After reading through my first thought was "YES!! I am not crazy to think this is alot of hooey." In fact the turnover in our department is tremendous and soon I too will be voting with my feet. In my region there are many competitors who offer better pay and the possibility of better environments. The company is headed up by a major player in the finance industry, it would be hard to believe someone with his caliber could turn a blind eye... but you never know, he might not be able to see it. Thank you all again.