Franke James is Editor/Founder of Office-Politics.com and Inventor of the Office-Politics® Game.

Peter R. Garber has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and is the author of many business books including: Winning the Rat Race at Work and 100 Ways to Get on the Wrong Side of your Boss.

Dina Beach Lynch, is an Ombudsman, Author and former attorney. An award-winning mediator, Dina served as the Corporate Ombudsman for the 7th largest bank in the US helping over 48,000 employees to resolve workplace issues.

Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.

Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America's most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.

Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling.

Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. John is currently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada's aboriginal communities.

I used to be a former Calvin Klein model.

August 2006

Dear Office-Politics,

Getting-no-respect

Dear Getting-no-respect,

You are in a common dilemma. Common in the sense that you are not being valued and respected the way you need and deserve. For you, your good looks are an asset but also an impediment to the extent people cannot see the intelligent person you are. For others, it might be their body, their connections, their fame or perceived lack of experience that prevents others from seeing them fully and accurately.

People in your situation handle this one of three ways. On one end of the pendulum is the person who gives up on himself and accepts the situation. They are usually controlled by much fear. They plod along feeling angry and hurt but they don’t do anything effective to change the situation. On the other end of the spectrum are those who are crystal clear on their value and their needs. They state what they need and take steps to make it happen. If the employer (or friend or whatever) is not able or willing to meet their needs, then they move on to a new situation that better serves their needs. Then there are those somewhere in the middle struggling for a solution. That is where you are, but you are much closer to the empowered side of the pendulum.

I recommend that you get crystal clear on what you truly need from an employer. I suspect you want to feel important, valued, respected, and you want a degree of financial security. Then figure out how that would look. For example, you want to be invited to meetings and given significant responsibility. This would meet your needs for importance, being valued, respected and financial reward. You have already stated your needs to your employer. Perhaps once you have a bit more clarity, restate your needs and ask your boss honestly if the company is capable of meeting the needs you just articulated. It may be that you are not the right fit for this organization and vice versa. If that is the case, it’s good to know and its time for you to find a better fit.

I am not sure of your financial situation and your ability to withstand being terminated if they conclude you are not a good fit for the company. Therefore, give consideration to getting your resume in shape and perhaps test the waters to see what other options you may have outside the company. The more confident you are with other employment options, the better you’ll be able to strongly assert your needs.


Thanks for writing to office politics. Your feedback is much appreciated.

Regards,