Franke James is Editor/Founder of Office-Politics.com and Inventor of the Office-Politics® Game.

Peter R. Garber has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and is the author of many business books including: Winning the Rat Race at Work and 100 Ways to Get on the Wrong Side of your Boss.

Dina Beach Lynch, is an Ombudsman, Author and former attorney. An award-winning mediator, Dina served as the Corporate Ombudsman for the 7th largest bank in the US helping over 48,000 employees to resolve workplace issues.

Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.

Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America's most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.

Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling.

Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. John is currently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada's aboriginal communities.

This man 'x' is a little ego-centric male chauvinist, and always tries to tell me that he knows everything about the technology behind the project...

Brandon and Seldman respond: "Attitude in office politics is half the battle. So consciously alter your internal dialogue from 'how dare him,' 'it's unfair,' and whatever else revs you up to 'where is it written that life is supposed to be fair?'...'he has an ego and it's his problem that I don't have to take so personally'...'I am more savvy than he is so I can deal with this.'..."

March 2006

Dear Office-Politics,

I am an IT consultant working with a client for past 6 weeks on a  project of 5 months duration. I work with a middle-aged man from Peru and I am a 35 year old women.

This man 'x' is a little ego-centric male chauvinist, and always tries to tell me that he knows everything about the technology behind the project.

He was trained just 4 weeks ago and has no practical experience with the software. My job is to keep him updated on the project and help him learn the technology as I am an experienced consultant in this area. I hold an hour session with him everyday to answer his questions, but whenever I try to explain anything, he goes defensive and says immediately "I understand".

The very next day, he would ask the same question. I also feel a lack of initiative in him and believe that he is not quite capable of handling the software as expected. His learning of the technology has been very slow and whenever his boss inquires, he puts the blame on me for not having transferred the required knowledge to him and keeping him away from the project activity. His boss believes what he says and keeps complaining against me. Being a vendor, I am unable to put my experience with Mr. 'x' to his boss as the truth is for the fear of losing this project.

Please help me with the right strategy. Thanks,

Confused

Dear Confused,

It sounds like you need help knowing how to deal with a classic overly political person, whom we define as someone who is overly invested in image and perception, gets defensive about any hint of feedback making him look bad when you only mean to help and improve, has a hyper-sensitive ego, is more focused on successful position than substantive power or expertise, and is willing to do whatever it takes to advance and look good, including trashing you or fixing blame to take the pressure and spotlight off of his own deficits (weapons of mass dis-TRACTION)...

Don't be confused. Be focused and professional and refuse to let him throw you off balance. His overly political qualities may coincidentally be coupled with a male chauvinist and ageist bias against you, but we suspect those are not as big a factor as his own "hyper-active ego gland" which you need to fly under in order to get through and excel. In other words, if you were an older male IT consultant, we predict he would act the same way. Here are some suggestions:

1) ADJUST YOUR SELF-TALK
Attitude in office politics is half the battle (which is first with yourself, that amazing brain of yours that is programming yourself to feel resentment, anger, etc.). So consciously alter your internal dialogue from "how dare him," "it's unfair," and whatever else revs you up to "where is it written that life is supposed to be fair?"..."he has an ego and it's his problem that I don't have to take so personally..."..."I am more savvy than he is so I can deal with this..."

2) APPEAL TO HIS EGO AND IMAGE CONSCIOUSNESS
Make sure you convey in subtle ways that "my job is to make you look great." You want him to view you as a support person, not taking credit, but helping to elevate his position and expertise. He is like a little child needing reassurance to take his medicine (new knowledge) but you have to put sugar in the medicine. So let him save face, never have him think you think he doesn't know what he doesn't know! Use positioning that you want to help him impart the knowledge to others so he can look even better and grow the team. Use phrases like "you probably already know this, but..." and stroke his ego. Reframe him as having a disability called a hyperactive ego gland! He needs your help to avoid being his own worst enemy. Avoid thinking you're being "manipulative" since you are not "lying." You are manipulating like manipulating and object to make it work better, not manipulating as in using deceit for ill will against someone's welfare.

3) WRITTEN TEACHING
Since whether you like it or not, your success is measured by HIS success in learning the software, but he blocks you when you verbally explain by cutting you off, you could experiment with sending emails that detail in writing the various teaching points. This serves several purposes:

• It bypasses his verbal interruptions.
• It serves as documentation of the points you want to cover in a tutorial session, which help you "prove" to his boss (and yours) that you go the extra mile to impart knowledge.
• After a session, it can summarize the points you covered, helping it to sink in.
• Provides documentation.
• Can be passed out by him to empower his team to learn and he might appreciate your help to make him successful and therefore cut you some slack and accept your input.

4) BECOME HIS AMBASSADOR
Offer to help him save time by teaching his team what he has been taught, so you will then clearly be teaching others, and he can't claim to his boss you aren't imparting expertise. If you have to play hardball, you can even show his boss the documentation of summary points you covered, or sent ahead of time, people you have taught or tutored besides him, etc. You will protect and buffer yourself this way if others know your expertise and how willing you are to share it. They may even drop your name to a powerful person.

5) HEART TO HEART AND/OR TALK TO YOUR BOSS TO COVER YOUR BASES
If nothing else works to get him to open the channels, you then have nothing to lose by a heart to heart, to request a "sit-down" meeting and share the frustration. This could be dangerous if you "wound the king." Use this only as a last resort and if you are prepared to first document all you've done to teach him, including written word, talk to YOUR boss in the consulting area since you have only mentioned HIS boss.

Hope these ideas help! He sounds most unpleasant. But it isn't Iraq and he's not Bin laden!

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Best,

Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D., Co-authors
Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success
www.survivalofthesavvy.com