"My old boss retired (female) and I can't seem to
get on the right side of the new one (male)."

Dear Office-Politics,

My old boss retired (female) and I can't seem to get on the right side of the new one (male). Before the change in administration (I work in a hospital), I thought the job was to provide the best, high quality service available.

I feel like he's playing a different game than I am. Now the game seems to be to take care of the boss' buddies. Everyone can talk directly to him and he basically likes to "take care" of people. At this point, any decision I make can be seriously undercut by him with impunity. I don't understand what we are trying to accomplish since he is single-handedly running the show. I have invested 32 years of my life in this place and now don't recognize it. How do I get clued in?

Sincerely,

Clueless

Dear Clueless,

A significant change in one's workplace, especially after 32 years, is difficult to adjust to. You don't mention how long it is since your old boss retired, but you may simply need to give this new relationship some more time before it will start to feel healthy and productive.

When you are part of a relationship of any sort that is not meeting your needs, or functioning the way you think it should, I advise a three step process. First, talk to the person involved. Make an appointment with your new boss and tell him that you want to talk about your working relationship. Ask for enough time so that it won't be a rushed interview.

Start by telling him about your shared commitment to providing good care and that you are hoping to enhance your ability to do that. Then tell him that you have some concerns and you would like his help in addressing them. Try to frame your concerns with "I statements" reporting your own experience and reactions, for instance "When you and your buddies were playing cards in the lunch room for over an hour I felt anxious because I was the only person monitoring the cardiac unit." Try to present the issues as matters that you can work on together.

If you feel uncomfortable doing this on your own, then find a neutral third party to facilitate the conversation. Perhaps someone in human resources can help.

If neither of these two options works for you, then you need to go up the line and speak to your boss' supervisor. If your comment that the 'game is taking care of the boss' buddies' is well founded, then your boss appears to be misusing his authority and this should be brought to the attention of senior management.

Whatever route you take you need to be aware that there is a power imbalance here and your boss can lash out at you if you leave yourself vulnerable. Do what you can to protect yourself (i.e. by getting support from others) but you may need to prepare yourself for your boss to respond by going after your job.

I wish you well in this difficult situation.

Dr. John

Thank you email sent by the letter writer 'Clueless' to Dr. John at Office-Politics:
Thanks so much. You have given me a clear strategy and a lot to think about!

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