Franke James is Editor/Founder of Office-Politics.com and Inventor of the Office-Politics® Game.

Peter R. Garber has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and is the author of many business books including: Winning the Rat Race at Work and 100 Ways to Get on the Wrong Side of your Boss.

Dina Beach Lynch, is an Ombudsman, Author and former attorney. An award-winning mediator, Dina served as the Corporate Ombudsman for the 7th largest bank in the US helping over 48,000 employees to resolve workplace issues.

Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.

Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America's most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.

Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling.

Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. John is currently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada's aboriginal communities.

My boss informed me about complaints that I was "insensitive" and "disrespectful" to a colleague in a meeting....

May 2005, Article 5

Dear Office-Politics,

Part One
My boss confronted me with a rumor she had heard. Apparently, she said that a number of people told her that I made some reference in a meeting with regards to being up for a promotion. These people approached my manager and asked her if it was true that she was going to promote me. She told them that it wasn't true, and that she would "talk to me".

I know I did not say anything to the effect. I do recall mentioning something about "succession planning" being good business practice, but that's the only thing that I recall saying that could be misconstrued. The upshot was that I think she believed the rumor and "wanted me to know that she hadn't made any decisions about the role as it was yet to be defined - and that once it has, it would be posted to EVERYONE."

I refuted the allegations, but now I'm concerned that if the position does become available, that she won't even consider me for it as it would just confirm the rumors.

What should I do?

Part Two
My boss recently informed me that a number of people came to her to complain that I was "insensitive" and "disrespectful" to a colleague in a meeting. These same individuals mentioned that if I continued to work on the project, they would not want to continue to be members of the project.

I have since asked a number of colleagues if they felt that my behavior in the meeting was in fact disrespectful or confrontational in any way. Their response was that in their opinion, they viewed the situation completely in reverse, that other party was actually disrespectful to me. They thought that I was trying to clarify the situation and provide my opinion.

I asked my boss for further clarification as to exact allegations and specific examples, but there were none. I then asked why the offended parties did not come to me directly to resolve the issue. Her response was that they did not feel it was their place to come to me on behalf of the "offended" party.

I feel as though I have been attacked in the dark by unsubstantiated accusations. What should my response be?

Confused and Abused

Dear Confused and Abused,

Clearly you're operating in a highly politicized organization. And you're having to fight rumors at every turn. You need to improve your skill at playing the office politics game. Fast.

In reading the 2 emails you sent, each with a different but related problem, I can see that you are creating waves among your peers. That is not meant in a critical way, but in a constructive way. Let's just step back and observe the game-playing that's going on.

Your peers are jockeying with you for position -- for the good blessing of this Manager. Your seemingly innocuous comment about "succession planning" causes rumors to fly. I can just imagine your coworkers analyzing your language for clues. The buzz might go like this: 'Does he know something we don't know?' 'They wouldn't dare promote him would they, after all he's so disrespectful of other people's ideas?' 'We can't let this happen...' And then the knives are out.

So what can you do to protect yourself and also strengthen your position? Well, one good sign is that you're reaching out to your allies and asking for their true opinions of you. Let's hope they are giving you the honest goods, rather than just being 'nice'. You don't need 'nice' now, you need to become aware of how, and why, your behavior is antagonizing your peers. Like a skillful politician you may need to adjust your tone to appeal to your audience.

Here are five constructive steps to help you out of this dilemma:

1. Listen to yourself:
Are you voicing opinions that are too harsh or judgmental? I'm assuming that you're not the CEO of the company (but may have the makings of one), so perhaps your comment about "succession planning being good business practice" suggests that you are thinking strategically for the whole company. The response from your offended peers might be, "Who does he think he is? He's nowhere near the level to be able to offer an opinion on that!" Blah, blah, blah. Frankly, I think it's good that you're stepping out of your role and thinking of the wellbeing and direction of the company. But for now, keep those bright ideas to yourself. Bite your tongue. Offering opinions on things that you have no control over, is a surefire way to ruffle feathers and may lead to unwanted self-employment.

I recall walking into a client's to meet the new Director of Marketing. Within 30 minutes she was spouting off about all the changes she wanted to see around the 125 year old organization, including redecorating their grand marble foyer and putting their plaques and awards in mothballs. I just sat back and listened with wide-eyed wonder. The animosity that she would stir up by sticking her nose in areas that she has no control over was astounding to me. It was not my place to offer her career advice, but I would have loved to say, "Stick to doing your job. To venture into all these other areas will be suicide for you, and at the least will inflame many people who love and respect the company history."

2. Mend Fences:
Your comment, 'These same individuals mentioned that if I continued to work on the project, they would not want to continue to be members of the project.' sets off alarm bells. Go back to your trusted allies and brainstorm ways that you can smooth relations with your detractors. Maybe it's a social outing that will help people to see your softer, human side. Maybe it's remembering someone's birthday, or bringing in an interesting lifestyle article to discuss... Whatever, you need a plan to win friends.

3. Show Respect:
You may be perceived as too aggressive in putting your ideas forward. (I've been guilty of this, too...) Everyone on the team has a contribution to make. Respect their opinions even if you don't agree. Greater results are often achieved by listening to the diversity of opinions, and then deciding on an action plan that accomodates the diverse viewpoints.

4. Focus on your job:
In battling office politics it's never enough to just do your job well. You have to be seen to be doing your job well. Whatever project you have on your plate now, try to excel at it. And then find subtle ways to prove its value to the company. That could be some inside recognition for a job well done. Or external recognition, e.g. whiz bang product upgrade gets exposure in media. Be your own PR agent within your company.

5. Do your homework:
Lastly I'd suggest reading some Management books on the topic of office politics. There are many, many good books around -- some excellent ones written by contributing authors on this site -- that will help you to learn to play the game better.

Thanks for writing to office politics. Your feedback is much appreciated.

Regards,

Franke

Franke James, MFA
Creator, The Office-Politics Game