"Control"

What do you do with an emotionally manipulative micromanager boss?

Micromanaged, Manipulated Employee

Dear Micromanaged, Manipulated Employee,

Bosses are no different than other people. If you have a conflict with them, and that is what I pick up from your description, the first thing to do is to talk with them directly. Ask for an appointment. Make sure there is nothing else that will interrupt your meeting so that you can focus on the issues.

Tell your boss how you feel. Use "I" statements such as, "I feel untrustworthy when you count the change in the petty cash box," or "I feel controlled and stifled when I have to show you every paper I want to photocopy."

Ask her/him if there is a strategy that you can work on together to improve things. If he/she can give you a little more space, that will be a benefit to both of you.

Remember that your bosses behaviour is more about his/her own insecurities than it is about your abilities.

If talking to your boss one to one is too uncomfortable, or risky, or doesn't yield any change in the relationship, you need to involve others. Speak to your firms HR department, or to an employment counsellor if the firm provides that service. An alternative is to speak to your boss's boss. Ask for her help in improving the relationship, don't but her in the position of having to "fix" things. And by all means don't approach her with an attitude of complaint. Accept some responsibility yourself for the situation.

If your boss is the only boss and there is no HR department, seek the help of another trusted employee who can support you in a conversation with the boss.

If none of these options seem doable, or if you try them and they fail, look for another position.

Thanks for writing and good luck.

Dr. John

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