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Dr. John Burton teaches Ethics at the Schulich School of Business at York University in Toronto, Canada.

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"Minus One for the Team"

February 10, 2003
Dr. John,

My husband is an extraordinarily hard worker, a devoted and loyal employee, as well as husband and father. Here is the situation: He works in a department that consists of people quite the opposite of him...personally. They tend to go out after work for drinks. We have three children and he is not interested in spending his time this way. They all hunt, while he does not. They like heavy metal radio stations, while he likes NPR. They create "offsite meetings" at which they play computer games during work hours, and he truthfully would rather work. He is torn because he obviously doesn't want to jeopardize his job by appearing either anti-social or anti-team. Is he obligated to participate in these extracurricular activities? What impact could his not participating have on his professional life? In the last round of promotions, all but he and another employee were promoted. He did receive an excellent review, but no promotion. Do you think these things could have indirectly affected him??

Concerned Wife

Dear Concerned Wife,

A workplace should be able to accommodate differences, but it often helps a team function better if employees are able to socialize together to at least a limited degree. I certainly can't imagine, however, that your husband's employer would be upset that he is not joining his co-workers in playing computer games when he is supposed to be working.

It is difficult to speculate about the impact that not being "one of the boys" has had on your husband's failure to get a promotion. My advice would be for him to ask to meet with his boss and ask why he was not promoted and what he can do to change the situation and earn a promotion. If the boss is concerned about his failure to socialize, she/he should say so. If there are other factors, then your husband is entitled to know, so that he can work at improving.

I wish him well in a situation that sounds stressful.

Dr. John


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