{"id":89,"date":"2007-03-20T12:40:51","date_gmt":"2007-03-20T16:40:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/officepolitics.com\/advice\/?p=89"},"modified":"2007-05-03T11:21:19","modified_gmt":"2007-05-03T15:21:19","slug":"coworker-throws-hysterical-tantrums","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/coworker-throws-hysterical-tantrums\/","title":{"rendered":"Coworker throws hysterical tantrums…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Office-Politics,<\/p>\n

I had a very bad experience with a \u201csister\u201d director in my division (I\u2019ll call her Sue). <\/p>\n

We both work for the same boss, and Sue is very controlling, to say the least; she is a CPA and is the \u201cPayroll Director\u201d, and I am the \u201cExecutive Director of Human Resources\u201d (masters\u2019 degree in HR, but NOT a CPA). We both report to the CFO. Whenever Sue does not \u201cget her way\u201d about a procedural issue that would make her job easier or expand her domain, she cries foul and says I am hard to work with. <\/p>\n

Here is an example of how I am \u201chard to work\u201d with and \u201cblocking her job\u201d: Sue was receiving absence \u201cexcuses\u201d in her department that stated things such as \u201cI have cancer and had to miss Friday for chemotherapy\u201d. I told Sue those were medical records, and she needed to send those types of documents to me for retention in the employee\u2019s medical file and that employees should send those directly to the benefits office (which is part of HR), rather than to Payroll. Sue refused to give me the medical records. <\/p>\n

I told my boss I needed these records from Sue, and explained the reason why (HIPAA and ADA law). Still I didn\u2019t get the medical records from Sue. Finally, I had to put in writing to my boss that I was going to have to document that Sue refused to give me the medical records in case we ever had an audit that discovered our non-compliance. Finally, my boss directed Sue to give me the medical records. <\/p>\n

Ultimately, after several experiences like this (where the majority of the time Sue gets her way, but sometimes I actually get to run my own department sensibly and legally), Sue started crying hysterically, saying she was going to quit because I was so mean to her and saying \u201cI am taking three days of vacation to find another job\u201d. I got called into the office of the head of our company to see why I had been so mean to Sue. <\/p>\n

After describing what had happened in each instance where Sue claimed I was \u201cmean\u201d, the head of our company decided to drop the formal complaint made by Sue against me. The head of the company stated that my long years of service without complaints from others that I was abusive, \u201cspoke for itself\u201d. However, my boss still panders to Sue whenever she can. <\/p>\n

Long story short, after this bad experience with Sue (and others), I have to learned to \u201cdetach\u201d from the emotions of the job in order to cope with some of the unfairness that goes on. At one time I was willing to put in long hours past the time others had gone home, in order to ensure things were done with the utmost quality. <\/p>\n

Now I think I am \u201ctoo\u201d detached. I find myself not caring about the outcome of procedural discussions, etc. because I don\u2019t want to deal with the blow that comes when a blatantly unfair decision results in Sue getting her way on yet another issue. I go home at night much earlier than I once did, even though I used to care so much that I would stay to make sure everything was top notch. (I do continue to meet strict deadlines.) <\/p>\n

How do you balance caring about your job and caring about the services provided to your customers (which I do), and still stay detached from the decisions that are ultimately made (which are usually made to ensure the other employee doesn\u2019t quit or throw another fit)? You may ask, \u201cWhy are you still working there?\u201d Answer: I have years vested in a retirement plan, and I hope to \u201cstick it out\u201d until retirement (if I don\u2019t die first of stifled emotions). <\/p>\n

I tried talking to Sue about these issues early on, and I was told she is \u201cintimidated\u201d by me because of my higher level position (that is complete hooey, because everyone knows who has the \u201creal\u201d power). <\/p>\n

Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. <\/p>\n

Thank you, <\/p>\n

Pseudo-Intimidator<\/p>\n

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY TIMOTHY JOHNSON<\/strong>
\n\"timothy<\/p>\n

Dear Pseudo-Intimidator,<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t Quit Your Job!!! Companies need more people like you around!!!<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s review: You\u2019re doing the right things, You\u2019re acting the right way. You\u2019re saying the right words. You\u2019re showing the right motives<\/strong><\/p>\n

The only thing we need to work on is thinking the right thoughts<\/em>. You\u2019ve demonstrated that you know how to document situations appropriately. You\u2019ve shown a consistent track record of treating your other colleagues with appropriate respect. You\u2019ve provided evidence that you do care about your company and your job completely. (Having worked on a HIPAA compliance project in the past, I agree your concerns were very well founded.)<\/p>\n

You and your boss are giving Sue way too much power. There are people out there who want to play the victim, temperamental and pouty. By even acknowledging those comments and emotions, you continue to feed her power base. Normally in situations like these, I recommend people talk to HR, so it\u2019s a little odd for me to be addressing the head of the HR department. Instead, I\u2019m going to recommend that you document the history of Sue\u2019s behavior and have a frank discussion with your boss. <\/p>\n

You need to explain to her the impact that Sue\u2019s behaviors are having on the company (rather than the impact they are having on you). As an HR professional, you are capable of tracking behavioral issues for the sake of employee discipline and also to protect your company against legal action. Some of Sue\u2019s actions appear to be hurting the company, based on your comments about fairness.<\/p>\n

Before you present your case, you may want to analyze your boss\u2019s motives. <\/p>\n

    \n

    Why is she allowing Sue to continue this behavior?
    \nWhy is she siding with her on so many seemingly unpopular decisions?
    \nDoes she have a relationship with Sue outside of work?
    \nIs she afraid of Sue?
    \nDoes Sue intimidate her in some way?
    \nAnd I hate to bring this up, but could it possibly be a gender issue? <\/ol>\n

    The only reason I mention this is due to your terminology of referring to Sue as a \u201csister\u201d at the beginning of your letter. I\u2019m sorry, but the family analogy is lost on me given the behaviors exhibited. I have a sister, and she ceased those behaviors once the adolescent years were completed. Family members do not always agree, but in normal functional families those behaviors are generally not exhibited (nor are they tolerated) on an ongoing basis. If the reluctance to deal with Sue is about maintaining gender balance at the top, you and your boss both need to ask yourselves: \u201cDo I want Sue representing my gender in the workplace?<\/em>\u201d I will guarantee you that if she\u2019s exhibiting these behaviors to you as a peer, her subordinates are probably receiving similar outbursts (or worse yet, outright intimidation). <\/p>\n

    Once you have adequately determined what is motivating your boss in her passive approach to Sue, you need to tailor your approach to be sensitive to it. If there is a relationship, you\u2019ll want to tread very lightly and have your documentation completely in order (including the discussion with the head of the company). If it\u2019s intimidation or just being worn down by Sue\u2019s antics, you\u2019ll need to explain the long-term impact of how much time is wasted by allowing Sue\u2019s behavior to continue. Either way, you need to create a salesperson\u2019s approach to present your case. It sounds like you may not have to do much, if Sue is serious about her threat to leave, though.<\/p>\n

    Now, to your question about your own attitude. Again, it\u2019s a situation of power. When Sue acts up, be polite yet firm. If she\u2019s going to choose to act like a child, then address the behavior, calmly and objectively. Example: \u201cSue, I sense that you are resistant to this idea. Would you like to share your thoughts with the group so we can address your concerns?<\/em>\u201d And if the behavior escalates: \u201cSue, this is not a situation that requires tears or theatrics. If you would like to be excused, you may return when you have had a chance to compose yourself and treat this with the correct degree of professionalism.<\/em>\u201d Then document it and add it to your \u201cSue File.\u201d Sue will learn that her behavior is not going to be tolerated, and you will have regained power over your own job. You obviously have passion for doing your job correctly, for your company, and for the many people who count on you. Please don\u2019t let one spoiled individual ruin it for everybody else. There will always be immature people in the work place who pose as professionals; the job for the rest of us is not to allow their ill-suited behaviors to continue.<\/p>\n

    I wish you the best. You already seem to have many of the right mental models to be a very astute and professional office politician. Please don\u2019t let this one person ruin it.<\/p>\n

    Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.com,<\/p>\n

    Regards,<\/p>\n

    Timothy Johnson, Author<\/p>\n

    Timothy Johnson<\/a> is the author of the newly released Gust: The “Tale” Wind of Office Politics<\/a> (Lexicon, 2007) as well as Race Through The Forest \u2013 A Project Management Fable (Tiberius, 2006). As Chief Accomplishment Officer for his company, Carpe Factum, Inc. (Latin for \u201cSeize The Accomplishment\u201d), he also is a dynamic speaker, providing keynotes and workshops on the accomplishment-oriented topics of project management, creativity, process improvement, systems thinking, and (of course) office politics. His consulting clients have crossed multiple industries and have included Wells Fargo, Harley-Davidson, ING, Teva NeuroScience, and Principal Financial Group. In addition to writing, consulting, speaking, and coaching, he is also an adjunct instructor for Drake University\u2019s MBA program in Des Moines Iowa, teaching classes in Project Management, Creativity for Business, and Managing Office Politics.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Dear Office-Politics, I had a very bad experience with a \u201csister\u201d director in my division (I\u2019ll call her Sue). We both work for the same boss, and Sue is very controlling, to say the least; she is a CPA and is the \u201cPayroll Director\u201d, and I am the \u201cExecutive Director of Human Resources\u201d (masters\u2019 degree […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-89","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coworkers-driving-me-crazy","category-office-politics"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=89"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=89"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=89"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=89"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}