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![\"dina](\"\/images\/lynch.jpg\")
<\/p>\nDear All Ears,<\/p>\n
Congratulations for trying to be proactive in what sounds like a very frustrating situation. Sure, it’s important to get to the bottom of things by speaking with your colleague, but you might want to take a step back first.<\/p>\n
Are you sure you have a good ‘read’ on the office politics? Several clues in your note indicate that there might be more going on than meets the eye. It’s easy to speculate about what you’ve observed regarding your Director and fellow audiologist. We all tend to speculate and rationalize when we have incomplete information. However, the wiser choice is to seek more information. Here is a modified set of questions, based on the work of Byron Kaitie, that will help you to separate what you know from what you think you know, and most importantly, your feelings about it.<\/p>\n
- \nIs [fill in the thought] true?
\nHow do I know it’s true?
\nHow likely is it that it is not completely true?
\nWhat would it be like if I weren’t thinking this thought?<\/ol>\n
For instance, you say your Director acquiesces to your colleague. Ok, if you consider that thought using the question set above, you might find that you don’t have enough experience (you haven’t been there 90 days yet) to say it’s always true; or, discover there are circumstances you aren’t privy to that impact the Director’s behavior. Same might be true for the colleagues who seem to be ‘buying it’. The best part about this strategy is the last question because it allows you to make a choice between remaining upset and concentrating on a more positive aspect like the fact that you have a new job.<\/p>\n
You might also consider offering yourself and the ‘Diva’ some compassion. It’s tough being the new person who has to figure out how things work and make a good impression. I imagine it was also tough being a female audiologist facing prejudice and stereotypes over the past 20 years. Simply reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can for right now (and that she’s doing the same) releases pressure and opens the door to future learning and growth for both of you.<\/p>\n
Practically speaking, you can have a conversation with the ‘Diva’ to express how you experience her as a work colleague, but only if you can do it honestly and without the intention of blaming her. Or maybe those friends have a suggestion or two to share.<\/p>\n
Here’s hoping you hear the sweet sounds of a happy office soon. Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.<\/p>\n
Best, <\/p>\n
Dina <\/p>\n
Dina Beach Lynch, Mediator<\/p>\n