{"id":3534,"date":"2012-09-25T12:36:31","date_gmt":"2012-09-25T16:36:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/?p=3534"},"modified":"2012-10-19T15:45:55","modified_gmt":"2012-10-19T19:45:55","slug":"gossip-gone-wild-why-being-a-gossip-limits-your-career","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/gossip-gone-wild-why-being-a-gossip-limits-your-career\/","title":{"rendered":"Gossip gone wild: why being a gossip limits your career"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"original<\/p>\n

“I made a comment about a coworker that I know I shouldn’t have and now I think it’s going to bite me in the butt. I noticed that one of my coworkers leaves for lunch everyday and then comes back and eats his lunch at his desk… How should I play this?” <\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Office Politics,
\nI try to be a nice person at work and to stay out of politics however about a couple weeks ago I made a comment about a coworker that I know I shouldn\u2019t have and now I think it\u2019s going to bite me in the butt. I noticed that one of my coworkers leaves for lunch everyday and then comes back and eats his lunch at his desk. I thought that maybe he does contractual work on the side during his lunch break and was curious about it. While chatting with some coworkers I mentioned it. It wasn\u2019t to a supervisor or anyone of authority, I didn\u2019t want to get him into trouble or anything. I felt bad right after I said it, but I guess I thought it wasn\u2019t going to go past the room, and no harm no foul.
\nWell, today he loudly announced to my boss and other coworkers that we need to have a meeting about gossip mongering because people are saying nasty things about what he does at lunch. I don\u2019t know what to do as I\u2019m scared to admit that I\u2019m the one that said it. Also this coworker has a bad temper and can be very mean. How should I play this?
\nIn Some Hot Water<\/em><\/p>\n

Office-Politics Founder Franke James<\/a> responds<\/h3>\n

\"Franke<\/p>\n

Dear Hot Water,<\/p>\n

Your last line “How should I play this?”<\/em> is where I’m going to start. I sense from your question, that you see office politics as a game \u2013 and that you\u2019d like to be able to play it to your advantage.<\/p>\n

So that\u2019s where I\u2019ll focus my advice. Not surprisingly (given that I’m the creator of the game-book, Dear Office-Politics<\/a>) I like to view office politics as a game. And just like all games, this one has rules (mostly unwritten), strategies, power plays, opposing teams, a scoreboard, and ultimately winners and losers.<\/p>\n

But as in sports, you don\u2019t need to play dirty to win. You can choose to play fairly. I believe that political skills are an essential life skill that can help you influence people, make change happen, sell your good ideas, and move into a position of power so you can do the right thing.<\/p><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

Gossip gone wild<\/h3>\n
Ok. So what does this have to do with your immediate issue of gossip gone wild? Inadvertently you broke an important rule. You\u2019ll need to change your tactics if you want to play the game well \u2013 and by \u201cwell,\u201d I mean ethically, and intelligently.
\n
\nThe office politics rule you broke is verbal discipline.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What\u2019s that? Verbal discipline is the savviness to know that some things that pop into your head (like gossip) should never be said. Speculating on what your coworker Bob is doing during his free time is a perfect example. You thought it \u201cwasn’t going to go past the room\u201d but unfortunately it did \u2013 it flew right into Bob\u2019s ears, and now you\u2019re suffering the fallout of that verbal gaffe.<\/p>\n

Whose fault was it that Bob caught wind of your gossip? Was it the person who heard your gossip and passed it on \u2013 or was it yours, for spreading gossip about him? <\/p><\/div>\n

Verbal discipline is a skill<\/h3>\n
I\u2019m going to guess that you lacked verbal discipline in this instance because the skill has never been properly explained to you. Perhaps no one has told you how gossip could ruin your career and limit your opportunities for advancement. They\u2019ve just said, “Don\u2019t gossip. It\u2019s not nice.”<\/p>\n

Certainly if you put yourself in Bob’s shoes, you would have known that your gossip would be hurtful and damaging. But judging from what you wrote, “this coworker has a bad temper and can be very mean,” you do not have a lot of empathy for Bob.<\/p><\/div>\n

The Damage to Yourself and Your Career<\/h3>\n
So, let\u2019s look instead at this gossip issue strictly from your point of view \u2013 and your company\u2019s. What\u2019s the damage you\u2019re doing to yourself and your career when you gossip?<\/div>\n

You are reducing the players you can work with<\/h3>\n
Going back to my analogy about the sports team: If you were a team captain, would you want a player on the team who badmouths her fellow players? A player who is so unsportsmanlike that she kneecaps her teammates to prevent them from scoring goals? When you view gossip in that light, it looks really awful.<\/p>\n

If I was the team captain (or your boss), I wouldn\u2019t pick you. I need players who can work together and help each other score goals. I don\u2019t need someone purposely whacking their teammate just so they can hog the glory of the goal for themselves.<\/p><\/div>\n

Is Bob your competition?<\/h3>\n
Your gossip planted a seed of doubt about Bob\u2019s character and motives in your coworkers\u2019 minds. It chipped away at his reputation, with the consequence of reducing his status in the office (and thus hampering his ability to score goals and move up). You were exercising a form of power to influence what your coworkers think about Bob.<\/p>\n

But is Bob really your competition? Or is your competition the business on the other side of the country that\u2019s producing the same widget as yours?<\/p>\n

To be successful in business you need to turn your thinking around. Your coworkers are your teammates not your competition. Even if you don\u2019t like them, you need to respect them and play fair. Otherwise you\u2019ll be seen as divisive. And won\u2019t get picked for the important playoff games.<\/p><\/div>\n

You are limiting your future opportunities <\/h3>\n
Ask yourself this: When your boss catches wind of your gossip (and what you really think about Bob) is she likely to suggest that you two should be on a work project together?<\/p>\n

Nope. But let\u2019s say, that the boss hasn\u2019t heard anything. She goes to your coworkers (the ones you like) and asks whether you\u2019re a good fit to work alongside Bob on an exciting new project. A pained look may cross their faces as they remember all the awful things you\u2019ve said about him. They probably won\u2019t reveal to the boss what you\u2019ve said, but chances are your coworkers will express doubts about you working with Bob \u2013 because they know how you really feel about him.<\/p>\n

So you haven\u2019t just damaged Bob\u2019s reputation. You\u2019ve damaged your own. And cut off a career path that you might have enjoyed and profited from.<\/p><\/div>\n

Being honest about your feelings<\/h3>\n
Does this mean you have to hide your true feelings about people? That you can\u2019t express opinions honestly about your coworkers?<\/p>\n

Nope. You can express opinions \u2013 but don\u2019t do it secretly behind someone\u2019s back. Show that person respect and tell them to their face what your issue is. Funny thing is \u2013 you may find that those \u201cstrong opinions\u201d you shared so easily when they were gossip, are not things you want to say to someone\u2019s face.<\/p><\/div>\n

Loose talk puts you in a box<\/h3>\n
The other reason for practicing verbal discipline is that loose talk puts you in a box. Gossip makes it very difficult for you to change your opinion down the road. As you get to know Bob better, you may actually get to like him. But if you\u2019ve told everyone how much you dislike him, you\u2019ve effectively made him into an enemy, and we all know it\u2019s an uphill battle to make friends out of enemies.<\/p>\n

If everyone knows that you don\u2019t like or respect Bob, they may go to great lengths to reduce friction. They won\u2019t want you two on the same work projects, or on business trips or at office parties or conventions. Before you know it \u2013 there\u2019s a hard line drawn around you. You may as well be wearing a big neon sign that says, \u201cWarning! I\u2019m not a team player. I carve up my teammates and cut them down to size.\u201d<\/p><\/div>\n

Gossip doesn\u2019t just put the other person in a bad light. It puts you in a bad light.<\/h3>\n
I know when I hear someone speak badly of someone, three red flags pop into my mind:<\/p>\n

1. Why is she telling me this?
\n2. What\u2019s her motive in damaging the other person\u2019s reputation?
\n3. Would she speak about me this way, behind my back?<\/p>\n

My conclusion? You owe Bob an apology. He may not accept it. But if you practice verbal discipline, and start thinking of your coworkers as teammates (and helping them score goals)<\/em>, you may just bring him around.<\/div>\n

And next time you feel like sharing your “opinion” of a coworker — take a step back and ask yourself:<\/h3>\n
\n

1. Would I say this to their face?
\n2. Will this exclude me from certain team projects?
\n3. Do I really want to make an enemy of them?
\n4. If he\/ she spoke about me this way, behind my back, would I be upset?
\n5. What will their retaliation be? (e.g. Bob accusing you of gossip mongering.)<\/p>\n

Those five questions may just help you to exercise a little more verbal discipline — and play the office politics game with integrity.<\/p>\n

Good luck! I hope my reply helps you repair the damage, and move on to being an ethical and smart office politics player. Please send me an update on your progress! This could be a transformative moment in your career. If you work at it.<\/p>\n

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.<\/p>\n

Franke<\/p><\/div>\n

Franke James, MFA
\nEditor & Founder, Office-Politics.com
\nInventor, Dear Office-Politics, the game everyone plays<\/a><\/p>\n

_________________________________________________________
\n\"Dear<\/a>Franke James<\/a>, MFA<\/strong> is the Editor & Founder of Office-Politics.com. She is also the Inventor of the award-winning<\/a> game book, Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays.<\/a> It’s the dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play, and laugh, at office politics. It won an AXIOM Business Book Award<\/a> for HR and Training.<\/p>\n

Foreword Magazine<\/strong><\/a> reviewed Dear Office-Politics<\/a>, “The dilemmas vary in seriousness, but all involve power plays as the universal theme… James\u2019s splashy sense of humor and style catapults this book from the field of humdrum human resources exercises to an entertaining discussion of the pantheon of office types. And the game is attractively illustrated with zany color photographs and illustrations on every page of these office types. The \u201coffice crab\u201d that is the grimacing head of a woman on the body of a crab; the luridly colored photo of a woman with a chef\u2019s knife behind her that is emblazoned, \u201cI have had firsthand experience with a backstabber\u201d; and the cover of a suited woman in a shark tank are bound to attract the attention of congenial co-workers looking for an icebreaker. Winner of the Axiom Business Book Award for 2010, Dear Office-Politics is recommended for team-building meetings, as well as for pleasure reading.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"original<\/p>\n

“I made a comment about a coworker that I know I shouldn’t have and now I think it’s going to bite me in the butt. I noticed that one of my coworkers leaves for lunch everyday and then comes back and eats his lunch at his desk… How should I play this?” <\/p>\n

Office-Politics Founder Franke James<\/a> responds<\/p>\n

Dear Hot Water,<\/p>\n

Your last line “How should I play this?”<\/em> is where I’m going to start. I sense from your question, that you see office politics as a game \u2013 and that you\u2019d like to be able to play it to your advantage. So that\u2019s where I\u2019ll focus my advice. Not surprisingly (given that I’m the creator of the game-book, Dear Office-Politics<\/a>) I like to view office politics as a game. And just like all games, this one has rules (mostly unwritten), strategies, power plays, opposing teams, a scoreboard, and ultimately winners and losers.<\/p>\n

But as in sports, you don\u2019t need to play dirty to win. You can choose to play fairly. I believe that political skills are an essential life skill that can help you influence people, make change happen, sell your good ideas, and move into a position of power so you can do the right thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[26,665,401],"class_list":["post-3534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-office-politics","tag-franke-james","tag-office-politics","tag-office-politics-game"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3534","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3534"}],"version-history":[{"count":35,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3534\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3612,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3534\/revisions\/3612"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}