{"id":227,"date":"2007-10-19T10:55:23","date_gmt":"2007-10-19T14:55:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/officepolitics.com\/advice\/?p=227"},"modified":"2007-10-23T14:15:34","modified_gmt":"2007-10-23T18:15:34","slug":"needy-coworker-leaves-me-feeling-swindled","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/needy-coworker-leaves-me-feeling-swindled\/","title":{"rendered":"Part I: Needy coworker leaves me feeling swindled"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Office-Politics,<\/p>\n

The Admin in our department just went through a divorce and has 2 children. Long story short, cubicles are not private and we have all tried to help. Last week, I bought her lunch every day. Others have donated money. I have bought groceries. It is never enough. She has a good salary and drives a new car and gets child support. We all think she is a con. I think so because I gave her $20 to get her \u201cpills\u201d prescription. She instead told me a week later she did not get them and did not return the money. <\/p>\n

Finally, a group of us were discussing a film just released, and she said \u201cI saw that and it was a great movie!\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

How do I help without being taken advantage of and how do I handle this situation? Is this a common \u201ccon\u201d game?<\/p>\n

Last, she does NOT do her work and always seeks pity. I am constantly helping her with basic admin duties.<\/p>\n

No sucker<\/p>\n

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY ARNIE HERZ, ESQ<\/strong>
\n\"arnie<\/p>\n

Dear No sucker,<\/p>\n

You have a good heart.<\/p>\n

Here is my rule: You need. I give. You benefit. You appreciate me.<\/em><\/p>\n

If all four do not come together, it\u2019s a waste of my time, energy and money. It creates resentment in me and I feel depleted.<\/p>\n

In the scenario you portray, you question whether or not she really \u201cneeds.\u201d Probably she does not. You also question whether or not she is benefiting. Once again, probably she does not. For sure she is not appreciating what you are doing for her. Therefore, it seems to me you should cut off your support in all respects and save yourself from being depleted. <\/p>\n

There are many people and causes who need your support and who would benefit from it. Find them. You\u2019ll make a difference in their lives and feel good about yourself in the process. Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.<\/p>\n

Regards,<\/p>\n

Arnie Herz<\/p>\n

Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling. Visit his blog at LegalSanity.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Office-Politics, The Admin in our department just went through a divorce and has 2 children. Long story short, cubicles are not private and we have all tried to help. Last week, I bought her lunch every day. Others have donated money. I have bought groceries. It is never enough. She has a good salary […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betrayals-and-whistle-blowing","category-office-politics"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=227"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}