{"id":224,"date":"2007-10-12T09:45:36","date_gmt":"2007-10-12T13:45:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/officepolitics.com\/advice\/?p=224"},"modified":"2007-10-12T09:45:36","modified_gmt":"2007-10-12T13:45:36","slug":"im-shy-how-can-i-be-accepted-at-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/im-shy-how-can-i-be-accepted-at-work\/","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m shy&#8230; How can I be accepted at work?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Dear Office-Politics,<\/p>\n<p>My problem is: I&#8217;m new in this HR firm &#8211; working as a front-desk officer &#8211; and I don&#8217;t know how to behave in order to be accepted, liked, respected and noticed. <\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m pretty shy and reserved, usually just doing my job and not spending much time in socializing. I always answer &#8220;yes&#8221; to all my colleagues requirements and therefore I receive progressively more work to do &#8211; which reduces the time for socializing. I&#8217;m alone most of the day because my colleagues work on another floor of the building &#8211; they usually pass-by just for a few minutes per day. Most of the work-related discussions are on the phone\/e-mail. I cannot go to lunch with them &#8211; I have a different lunch schedule.<\/p>\n<p>My aim is to be included in the group (I want them to see me as a valuable co-worker and even a friend) because I want to remain in this firm and be promoted as fast as possible. What kind of discussions should I initiate, what kind of stories to tell, what kind of questions to ask? My colleagues are all young and they have diverse backgrounds, and they seem pretty friendly and open. The problem is that I&#8217;m scared that if I spend time in story-telling somebody might consider that I&#8217;m not doing my job. So I play the overly-conscious role, and colleagues always find me busy, agitated and multi-tasking.<\/p>\n<p>Thanks again.<\/p>\n<p><em>Shy not aloof<\/em><\/p>\n<p><HR><br \/>\n<strong>OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY DR. RICK BRANDON AND DR. MARTY SELDMAN<\/strong><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin:10px 10px 5px  0; width:90px; float:left\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/brandon.jpg\" alt=\"dr. rick brandon\"  width=\"80\" height=\"100\" \/><br \/>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/seldman.jpg\" alt=\"dr. marty seldman\"   width=\"80\" height=\"100\"  style=\"padding:10px 0px 0px  0;\" \/><\/div>\n<p>Dear Shy not aloof,<\/p>\n<p>We put your goals under the three \u201cethical politics\u201d skill sets of (1) Know the Corporate Buzz, (2) Essential Networking, and (3) Balanced Self-Promotion in order to gain influence, make an impact, and move ahead in your career and have job satisfaction. <\/p>\n<p>You wisely want to create a strong, positive \u201cbuzz\u201d or reputation, but don\u2019t get trapped into tunnel vision perspective as the only way of doing this as being \u201cstory telling\u201d or even small-talking. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Schmoozing at informal gatherings is only one way<\/strong><br \/>\nWhile \u201cschmoozing\u201d at informal gatherings like lunch is one way to forge relationships you seek, it\u2019s not the only way. In fact, some types of people are less people-oriented and might even react negatively to stories, jokes and similar clich\u00e9\u2019 paths to joining the inner circle. Many personality styles such as the Driver and Analytic styles are more responsive to more task oriented ways of connecting so don\u2019t feel pressured to become tomorrow\u2019s most populist stand-up comedienne. And even if you do determine you\u2019re with an expressive or amiable type who likes such tactics, it sounds like it goes against the grain of your personality and could feed a perception that you\u2019re goofing off. Yet, the pendulum need NOT swing to the other extreme of being all work and no play, an uptight workaholic as you describe. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Consider quiet thoughtful gestures<\/strong><br \/>\nFinding middle ground means creating connections that show your desire to add value, helpfulness, and positive regard for others. Examples are sending someone an article that relates to something you know they are working on, finding out people\u2019s birthday\u2019s and being the one that buys the card everyone signs and word gets around it was your initiation, organizing an after-work activity like a softball game, show up before work to visit a new contact\u2019s workspace rather than depend upon lunches you cannot do, sponsoring a conference of an HR association such as SHRM (Society or Human Resource Management) or HRPP (Human Resources Planning Society) at your facility, etc. See how you can start thinking out of the box and find creative ways to establish relationships, demonstrate knowledge about another\u2019s function, and reveal spark and going the extra mile? <\/p>\n<p><strong>Dialogue not monologue<\/strong><br \/>\nWhile we\u2019re at it, let\u2019s \u201creframe\u201d your slightly narrow definition of interacting to transcend story telling. Instead, consider the goal to make a connection and communicate \u2013\u2013 which too many people define as one-way. In fact, more lasting impressions occur when you stress a two-way process, so spend your interaction time asking and truly exploring the other\u2019s job, ideas, current projects so you show interest and they feel involved with you. <\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re hung up on story telling, tell the other you\u2019re gathering stories to assemble in a workplace storytelling book to leave at the front reception area for clients to browse while they are waiting and you\u2019d like to include their anecdotes. Now they have fun, they feel important, you appear just as people oriented, the firm enjoys a new project and \u201cface to the customer,\u201d etc. Can you see the thread throughout our response? It says YES to making an impact while creating positive perceptions about your relationship capability and competence, but it says NO to pretending to be someone you are not.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, see if you can find a fine little book from 1994 called <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/B000RI9KBU?ie=UTF8&#038;tag=officepolitic-20&#038;linkCode=as2&#038;camp=1789&#038;creative=9325&#038;creativeASIN=B000RI9KBU\">Contact: The First Four Minutes<\/a><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=officepolitic-20&#038;l=as2&#038;o=1&#038;a=B000RI9KBU\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" alt=\"\" style=\"border:none !important; margin:0px !important;\"><\/a> (Leonard and Natalie Zunin), as well as a 1996 one, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0814477232?ie=UTF8&#038;tag=officepolitic-20&#038;linkCode=as2&#038;camp=1789&#038;creative=9325&#038;creativeASIN=0814477232\">People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better<\/a><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=officepolitic-20&#038;l=as2&#038;o=1&#038;a=0814477232\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" alt=\"\" style=\"border:none !important; margin:0px !important;\"><\/a> (Robert H. Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton).<\/p>\n<p>Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.<\/p>\n<p>Sincerely, <\/p>\n<p>Rick Brandon, Ph.d. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D. Co-authors,<br \/>\n<a href=\"www.survivalofthesavvy.com\">Survival of the Savvy<\/a>: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success<\/p>\n<p><HR><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.survivalofthesavvy.com\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/SOS_80.jpg\" alt=\"cover of Survival of the Savvy\" align=\"left\" style=\"padding:5px 10px 10px 0\"  \/><\/a><em>Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D. are Co-authors, Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success. Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries. Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America\u2019s most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dear Office-Politics, My problem is: I&#8217;m new in this HR firm &#8211; working as a front-desk officer &#8211; and I don&#8217;t know how to behave in order to be accepted, liked, respected and noticed. I&#8217;m pretty shy and reserved, usually just doing my job and not spending much time in socializing. I always answer &#8220;yes&#8221; [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-climbing-the-ladder","category-office-politics"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=224"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}