Thank you,<\/p>\n
Strategizing my Moves<\/p>\n
OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY ERIKA ANDERSEN<\/strong> Dear Strategizing my Moves,<\/p>\n First congratulations on finishing the project, and \u2013 from what it sounds like \u2013 finishing it reasonably well.<\/p>\n What I\u2019m going to advise may sound counter-intuitive, but bear with me: I think your best next step is to 100% listen to him. <\/p>\n Skillful Listening is the Secret Superman<\/strong> Now, you may think you have been listening to him \u2013 but I suspect you\u2019ve been saying things like, \u201cYeah, yeah, we knew that didn\u2019t work perfectly,\u201d<\/em> or Listen with a Curious Mind<\/strong> You can do that by investigating and shifting your self-talk. Right now, you\u2019re saying things to yourself like… Instead, see if you can get curious. See if you can say to yourself, \u201cWhat does he see? How does this look from his perspective?\u201d What does he see that you don’t see?<\/strong> For instance: \u201cSo, what do you think we could have done differently?\u201d \u201cHow might that have helped the outcome?\u201d \u201cAre there other things you observed that didn\u2019t seem effective?\u201d \u201cHow would you have done that differently?\u201d <\/em> Your job isn\u2019t to disagree or agree, prove him right or wrong \u2014 you\u2019re just trying to understand. <\/p>\n And, when you think you\u2019ve understood his main points, summarize: \u201cOK, let me make sure I\u2019ve understood you here: you think we should have done A, B and C, and that if we\u2019d done that, the outcome of the project would have been improved in ways D and E.\u201d <\/em> (For more insight into how to listen really deeply, you might want to read the first Chapter in my book Growing Great Employees<\/a>; it\u2019s all about listening.)<\/p>\n Once he\u2019s acknowledged that you\u2019ve correctly understood his point of view, thank him for sharing it with you. THEN STOP TALKING. You\u2019ve done what you set out to do, and at this point you could negate the entire positive effect by sliding into defending, disagreeing, taking exception.<\/p>\n The Beauty of True Listening<\/strong> Second, it\u2019s extremely unlikely that listening to him will have a negative impact on him. If he does have a political agenda, listening to him probably won\u2019t help \u2013 but it won\u2019t hurt, and it might very well give you additional insight into his motivation, which would help you understand better how to protect yourself or your team. If he doesn\u2019t have a political agenda, and is either simply the kind of person who wants everybody to know his opinion, or is honestly convinced he has something useful to share with you, then listening to him will probably make him feel really respected and build a lot of good will with him. And it\u2019s very likely to end his kibitzing: feeling fully heard is an extremely satisfying experience.<\/p>\n Try it, and see what happens. Thank you for writing to Office-Politics. <\/p>\n Keep us posted…<\/p>\n Warmly,<\/p>\n Erika Andersen, Author<\/p>\n Erika Andersen<\/a> is the author of the newly released Growing Great Employees<\/a>, which is a Kirkus Reviews recommended business book for 2007. Erika Andersen and her colleagues at Proteus International, the company she founded in 1990, offer practical approaches for individuals and organizations to clarify and move toward their hoped-for-future. Much of Erika\u2019s recent work has focused on vision and strategy, executive coaching, and culture change. She has served as consultant and advisor to the CEOs and senior executives of corporations like MTV Networks, Molson Coors Brewing, Rainbow Media Holdings, Union Square Hospitality Group, and Comcast Corporation. Erika is an inaugural author of the Penguin Speakers Bureau, and she has been quoted in the New York Times, Industry Week, Investors\u2019 Business daily, and Fortune.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear Office-Politics, We just finished a large and difficult project. The final pieces weren’t perfect, but I feel that they were impactful, and served their purpose. As in any project, there is room for improvement, which I’m sure we as a team will address. A coworker, who wasn’t even part of the project is suddenly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-backstabbers","category-office-politics"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/213","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=213"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/213\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=213"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=213"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=213"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n![\"erika](\"\/images\/andersen.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
\nBefore you roll your eyes, let me make a plug for listening: I think of skillful listening as the secret Superman of human interaction. It seems like Clark Kent: dorky and mild-mannered, kind of ineffectual. But actually, it can move faster than a speeding assumption and leap tall conflicts in a single bound! <\/p>\n
\n\u201cWell, what you\u2019re saying might be have some truth in it.\u201d<\/em> Trust me, that doesn\u2019t feel like listening to him: it feels like a dismissal.<\/p>\n
\nHere\u2019s what I suggest. Tell him you\u2019d really like to fully understand his point of view, and invite him to meet with you, just the two of you, without any other distractions. Before the meeting, find that place inside yourself where you really do want to fully understand his point of view. <\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhere does he get off?\u201d<\/em> and
\n\u201cHe must have some political agenda,\u201d<\/em> or \u201cHe must be trying to make us look bad.\u201d<\/em> <\/p>\n
\n<\/em><\/p>\n
\nThen, when you\u2019re meeting with him, make your only goal to understand his point of view. Insofar as possible, put aside defending your team\u2019s actions, or helping him understand how hard you worked, or the extenuating circumstances. And put aside your own emotional resistance to having him put in his 2\u00a2 (or 200\u00a2). Ask him the kind of curiosity-based questions you would ask someone whose intentions and perspective you really wanted to hear. <\/p>\n
\nNow, the beauty of true listening is that there are no downsides. First, although it might be a mighty struggle for you to just listen, it won\u2019t actually damage you in any way, and you may find out important information. You may discover that he\u2019s seen something you need to see. And even if you end by thinking he\u2019s completely wrong, it might give you useful insight into how other people are viewing you, your team, or the project. <\/p>\n