{"id":2011,"date":"2010-04-29T17:39:26","date_gmt":"2010-04-29T21:39:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/?page_id=2011"},"modified":"2010-04-29T17:44:34","modified_gmt":"2010-04-29T21:44:34","slug":"sometimes-our-curiosity-leads-us-to-places-where-we-have-no-business-being","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/sometimes-our-curiosity-leads-us-to-places-where-we-have-no-business-being\/","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes our curiosity leads us to places where we have no business being."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"jennifer Jennifer V. Miller is the Founder and Managing Partner of SkillSource<\/a>, an organizational development consultancy that specializes in helping leaders, teams and sales professionals \u201cmaster the people equation\u201d. For nearly 25 years, Jennifer has helped people navigate the political landscape of workplace dynamics\u2014in corporate America as an HR generalist, training facilitator, and manager\u2014 and since 1995 as an advisor to executives seeking to maximize their workplace environments. A published author, Jennifer is a popular speaker that has made numerous appearances as a featured expert for radio talk shows, professional presentations and expert panels.<\/p>\n

\"original<\/a><\/p>\n

“I made a comment about a coworker that I know I shouldn’t have and now I think it’s going to bite me in the butt. I noticed that one of my coworkers leaves for lunch everyday and then comes back and eats his lunch at his desk… How should I play this?” (Read letter<\/a>.)<\/h3>\n

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER JENNIFER V. MILLER<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Hot Water,<\/p>\n

There is a Chinese Proverb that says “What is told in the ear of a man is often heard 100 miles away.”<\/em><\/p>\n

News travels fast, especially that of a gossipy nature. What started out as rather benign curiosity on your part has quickly turned into an awkward situation with the wronged party making a public declaration of \u201cgossip-mongering.\u201d It\u2019s natural to be curious about a co-worker; we\u2019re human beings after all! Our human curiosity can lead to wonderful inventions and unique problem-solving. The challenge is, sometimes our curiosity leads us to places where we have no business being. In fact, one survey conducted by Equisys<\/a> estimates that the average employee spends 65 hours a year gossiping, so clearly you were not alone in your activities. Unfortunately, your curiosity got the better of you; now it\u2019s time to deal with the fall-out. This situation can be smoothed over, but it will take courage on your part to do so. Before we move into discussing your action plan, let\u2019s consider this situation from the perspectives of two key players: the co-worker about whom you gossiped and your team members. This may help you avoid a similar mistake in the future.<\/p>\n

First of all, I would guess that your co-worker believes that eating lunch at his desk is his prerogative, as long as there is no business-related reason that he shouldn\u2019t do so. To have a co-worker discussing activities that occur on \u201chis\u201d time definitely amounts to gossip, because the topic being discussed isn\u2019t work-related. On this point, I would agree with your co-worker: by publicly inquiring about your co-workers personal activities with other colleagues, you crossed a line. So, even though you perceive this person as having a bad temper, in this case, I can certainly understand why he might be upset and perhaps a bit of \u201canger\u201d on his part is warranted.<\/p>\n

Secondly, let\u2019s consider how this series of events has affected your team. Office gossip erodes trust and reduces productivity. Your one seemingly \u201cinnocent\u201d comment has now created more talk, and the possible need for a team meeting to discuss what everyone already knows: \u201cdon\u2019t gossip about each other. It\u2019s not nice.\u201d So, there has been an impact to the team\u2019s productivity. Also, the trust level between you and your co-worker has been harmed. Clearly office gossip is a fact of life. I\u2019m not suggesting you work to eradicate all office gossip. That\u2019s not realistic. However, you can do your part to ensure that your comments and actions don\u2019t further erode trust or hinder productivity.<\/p>\n

For future situations when you are tempted to chat about your co-workers ask yourself: \u201cIs this a business-related issue?\u201d and \u201cWhat\u2019s preventing me from going directly to the person in question?\u201d These two questions will help you sort out if you need to take action or simply \u201clet sleeping dogs lie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, let\u2019s move on to your action plan. How to fix this sticky situation? As I mentioned earlier, it will definitely take some courage to repair this situation, but I do believe it can be done. It requires you to own up to your actions and that can be a very tough thing to do.<\/p>\n

Here are two things I recommend: <\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Discuss this in private with your boss.<\/p>\n

Schedule a meeting with your boss to discuss what has happened. Start the meeting by saying something like, \u201cI heard what Bob (guy who sits at his desk during lunch) said about gossip-mongering. I think I may know why he said that\u201d. Then lay out what happened, stressing you had no ill intent and that you\u2019ve already learned your lesson about gossiping.<\/p>\n

Of course, this works best if you have a productive relationship with your boss. It shows that you are willing to \u2018fess up and take the hit, if needed. Your boss should agree to keep your identity a secret and offer a solution for a group meeting that is aimed at fixing the issue, rather than pointing fingers.<\/p>\n

2. Talk with your co-worker.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve already said he has a bad temper and can be \u201cmean\u201d. What\u2019s your definition of these words? Is it \u201cbad temper\u201d as in, \u201che will do me bodily harm\u201d or is it that he may say nasty things or yell a little bit? What are you willing to endure in exchange for helping him understand that your intention was not dishonorable? You did not indicate what type of working relationship you had prior to this incident. My guess is that if it was solid, you would\u2019ve just asked him directly, correct? So, you could look at this as an opportunity to create a more positive working relationship. Yes, you\u2019re coming at it from a deficit, but if you are genuine in wanting to improve your communication with this individual, this is one way you could do it.<\/p>\n

You could ask to meet with him privately\u2014or semi-privately (like a corner of the company lunch room), if you\u2019re concerned about an outburst. Say something to the effect of, \u201cBob, I want to talk with you about what you said the other day about gossip-mongering. I\u2019m concerned that I contributed to the gossip and want to get your input on the situation. What caused you to say we have a gossip problem in the department?\u201d He\u2019ll probably say, \u201cWell, YOU should know\u2026let\u2019s start with you talking about what I do on my lunch hour?\u201d Then you can say, \u201cBob, I can see that upsets you and you\u2019re right, I had no right to be talking about what you do on your lunch hour. It\u2019s none of my business. I just let my curiosity get the best of me. I\u2019m sorry, and it won\u2019t happen again. What can we do to work on this to put it behind us?\u201d<\/p>\n

If the \u201cTalk to Bob\u201d plan sounds completely outrageous and unrealistic, perhaps it is. It is possible that he may blow a gasket and things will escalate. But keep this in mind: by coming to him directly and confessing, you are taking the high road. You\u2019re admitting your mistake and asking for forgiveness. In that way, you\u2019ve done all you can to make good on a situation you created. If he chooses not to cooperate, then the ball\u2019s in his court.<\/p>\n

Clearly, these suggestions require you struggle through some challenging conversations. Fortify yourself by remembering that you are doing this not only to repair a wrong, but also to lay groundwork for a more positive working relationship. Good luck in working this out. I wish you all the best for a positive resolution!<\/p>\n

Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com.<\/p>\n

Regards,<\/p>\n

Jennifer V. Miller<\/p>\n

About Jennifer Miller<\/strong>
\n\"jennifer Jennifer V. Miller is the Founder and Managing Partner of SkillSource<\/a>, an organizational development consultancy that specializes in helping leaders, teams and sales professionals \u201cmaster the people equation\u201d. For nearly 25 years, Jennifer has helped people navigate the political landscape of workplace dynamics\u2014in corporate America as an HR generalist, training facilitator, and manager\u2014 and since 1995 as an advisor to executives seeking to maximize their workplace environments. A published author, Jennifer is a popular speaker that has made numerous appearances as a featured expert for radio talk shows, professional presentations and expert panels. She holds a degree in psychology from Western Michigan University<\/strong> and is a former board member of the West Michigan Chapter of the International Society for Performance Improvement. Jennifer invites you to join the conversation at her blog, The People Equation<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jennifer V. Miller is the Founder and Managing Partner of SkillSource, an organizational development consultancy that specializes in helping leaders, teams and sales professionals \u201cmaster the people equation\u201d. For nearly 25 years, Jennifer has helped people navigate the political landscape of workplace dynamics\u2014in corporate America as an HR generalist, training facilitator, and manager\u2014 and since […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-2011","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2011","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2011"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2011\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2169,"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/2011\/revisions\/2169"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.officepolitics.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}