Give More Than You Get

My one key rule is positive: "Always give a little bit better than what you get or expect to get." This covers a bunch of other rules and ideas. First, don't expect much till you know someone, but take SMALL risks in offering openness and assistance.

If you're the kind of person who assumes on first meeting that everyone will love and help you, watch out! But do extend some room. When you get something negative, be about the same back, though just a little less. When a bad employee or union stonewalled me, I'd stonewall them... while leaving just a slightly better opening for them to come back. Use common sense though - if it's your boss, you might be better to start a job search for a better boss inside or outside your company. We all know how the organization chart works. You have to be REALLY good at politics to overcome a boss or else be able to let the right people see his or her actual behaviour that is flat out illegal. People won't take your word and it will reflect badly. The exception is if your company has a solid harassment policy or there is a senior boss you really have experience with and trust."

A couple of specific variations on the main principle: we all know "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything," and it's great advice. Don't slag anyone because you never know who will defend them or make it public. You can defend yourself, just make it sound nicer than what was said about you and make it a positive suggestion. You can give feedback, but turn it into positive tones, positive suggestions... and be careful not to let attitude show. This keeps you looking clean and out of trouble as much as possible. Second, you can't change people unless you have some sort of leverage and they are changeable, so variant number 2 is "Have as little to do with bad actors as possible beyond bare (but advisable - see rule 1) civility." Since you can't change them and can't gain from being publicly negative, leave it alone. That goes for mentally, too. Don't even think about them since it just makes it worse. I've seen more people sunk because they couldn't let go of stuff. (Someone said, "the best revenge is to forget." My added advice: just don't forget that you need to avoid them.) The best defence is no contact! That's already in the main principle. Those bad actors deserve worse, but you're going to be barely civil - better than you expect from them. I've been burned only a few times (and I don't forget to avoid those people), but everyone else appreciates your positive efforts, your honesty and your contributions. This forms the best possible protective shield around you over time, so you get help when you are being trashed.

"Give a bit better than what you get or expect" also means that if you get cooperation or honesty, give even more. There's room for great sharing, great mutual support from "politics," too - that's the upside. Others will generally support your ideas and give you credit if you support theirs. I'd say I got burned in far less than a tenth of 1% of every one of the thousands of people I've helped.


Dave Crisp
Former Senior Vice President, Human Resources
Hudson's Bay Company

After 14 years as top VP Human Resources, Hudson's Bay Company, Dave now works as a professional speaker, writer and strategic advisor on leadership and people skills, reachable at dcrisp@rogers.com. He builds on interesting and humorous examples from his 7 careers in diverse industries and several senior roles.

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