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Franke James is Editor/Founder of Office-Politics.com and Inventor of the Office-Politics® Game. Peter R. Garber has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and is the author of many business books including: Winning the Rat Race at Work and 100 Ways to Get on the Wrong Side of your Boss. Dina Beach Lynch, is an Ombudsman, Author and former attorney. An award-winning mediator, Dina served as the Corporate Ombudsman for the 7th largest bank in the US helping over 48,000 employees to resolve workplace issues. Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries. Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America's most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training. Arnie Herz, is a lawyer, mediator, speaker, author and consultant nationally recognized for his practical and inspired approach to conflict resolution and client counseling. Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. John is currently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada's aboriginal communities. |
Is there anything I can do to put an "office princess" in her place without hurting my reputation? January 2006 Dear Office-Politics, Is there anything I can do to put an "office princess" in her place without hurting my reputation? I work at a newspaper and work with an "office princess" who really needs to be put in her place. She's 31, laughs very insincerely at anything people say, says things like "Oh, that's so GAY!" wonders out loud whether certain people in the community are gay, has made disparaging comments about minorities and men, fusses about how her byline looks, and also talks about people behind their backs, including the editor who thinks she walks on water. She starts talking about herself from the moment she hits the door, blah-blah-blah me. If anyone else pulled some of the same stuff, we'd get reprimanded. This is a person with a pathological ego and narcissism and really needs professional help. She's clearly out of control. I just keep my head down and my mouth shut but dang! Sometimes I just
want to stand up and say "Shut the f--- up!!" But I know that
would not seen as being a good "team player." Any advice to
bring her down a few pegs? Dear Babysitter, Hopefully, you can see from our salutation that we agree with your description of your "princess" colleague as being fairly immature, and we applaud your positioning the heart of the issue as wanting to approach and handle the situation without damaging your own reputation. There are lots of options and without knowing exactly how supportive your boss is of Princess, it's impossible to prescribe which route is optimal. Why not ponder the pros and cons of the following and let us know your path? First, of course, really get clear on you true goals. Is it really to bring her down a few notches since her behavior is annoying and she's too full of herself? Or is it simply to get her to cease the disruptive behavior and talk? If you can focus less on putting her in her place and more upon getting her to change, you have more options and will not harm your own corporate reputation or "buzz" as we call it. Given this organizing goal, consider these approaches:
Again, note that all of these paths involve letting go of malice or
revenge. You certainly should not be taking it personally since it's
clearly HER problem. We're reminded of a quote we reference in our book: "Be
careful about judging our neighbors, for there may be secrets in their
hearts that would make us weep." So consider that "hurt people hurt people." If
she is so clearly out of control, consider her behavior as a cry for
help. A tough paradigm shift but this lens might bring you more peace
of mind. Yet you don't have to keep your head down with some of the alternatives
listed above. Good luck and do let us know your decision. Optimistically, Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D., Co-authors
The Ethics Letters that appears as a feature of this Website is an educational and discussion oriented column designed to help the reader better understand ethical issues. The matters discussed in the letter are reviewed in a summary/abbreviated way and are only meant to foster thinking on the part of the reader. If a person decides to adopt or implement suggestions, they do so at their own risk. No representation or warranty is provided in relation to suggestions or the contents of the letter. Neither the authors of the letter, Franke James, John W. Burton, or the owners of this Website accept any liability whatsoever for any opinions expressed in the letter or for errors and omissions. Submission of letters to the Office-Politics Forum grants the Publisher, Nerdheaven Ltd. the right to reproduce, republish, repurpose and excerpt the submission in any and all other media, without compensation or contacting the author. Copyright Nerdheaven Ltd. 2002-2005
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